50 Shades of Drake 3 and 4

Chapter Thirty-Nine

    There was an angel on Destiny's right shoulder and a little devil on her left. The angel was chastising her. How dare she sit on another man's lap when she'd recently been intimate with Aubrey? How dare she initiate anything even remotely sexual with Brian when Aubrey hadn't been gone long? How dare she, how dare she, how dare she? What was she? A skank? A slut? Or to use the recently coined term, a thot? What kind of girl did this?

    The little devil on her shoulder whispered into her ear. "Do you remember everything you've put up with from Aubrey?" it asked. "Do you remember walking in on him with another woman? Sure, it was in the contract that he could see other women. But he knew how you felt about him. If he really cared for you, he would have made sure you never saw that. Let's not forget him inviting Bernice over while you were there, making you answer the door for her. He made you answer the door for a woman he was planning on sleeping with, all for what? To keep emotions in check. Make sure you weren't falling in love with him, and to make sure he wasn't falling in love with you. How about the fact that he was so quick to throw you to Brian? At the first sign of trouble, he pushes you into the arms of another man and emphasizes that you're single and free to do whatever you please. Brian has already said he'd never push you away; Brian said he would have pulled you closer. And that's what you want right now, isn't it? To be held close by someone who loves you and someone who would never leave you, no matter what? Unlike Aubrey, who can't even have children. Aubrey, who withheld the fact that he underwent surgery to make sure children weren't even an option on the table."

    She felt guilty, but that didn't stop her from kissing Brian and losing herself in the kiss. The text message didn't say that Aubrey was leaving for a short period of time. The message didn't even say that he was leaving for a long period of time. It said 'forever.' And what Brian said, about it possibly being some kind of plan of Aubrey's to throw Palmer off? Deep down, she didn't feel like the text message was a part of some scheme. If it had been, she felt that Aubrey would have used the disposable phone to warn Brian about it. She also considered the fact that tomorrow, Aubrey could change his mind about staying apart from her. But he never should have been willing to stay away from me for forever to begin with, she thought bitterly.

    Brian groaned against her lips and cradled her face in his hands.

    And what about Brian? the angel on her shoulder nagged. Are you sure that you can love him wholeheartedly, without hurting him? Are you sure that you're not going to break down one day and go looking for Aubrey? Because that would devastate Brian. He's already lost one girl to Aubrey... you don't want to be the second.

    She pulled back from the kiss and stared at him.

    Brian stared back at her with love and desire in his eyes. Love, desire, and just a little bit of disbelief. "Are you sure about this?"

    The little devil on her shoulder was sure. The angel on her right shoulder, not so much.

    He must have seen the hesitation in her eyes, because he gave her a sad smile. "You don't want this, Destiny."

    "I do," she insisted.

    Hope flickered in his eyes.

    "I just..." It's too soon. It's not the right time. I feel dirty. I know there's a possibility that I'll wake up tomorrow morning and regret this. But at the same time...that damned text message. It hurt so much to read it. It still hurts, just thinking about it. I feel like I've spent weeks just...hurting, and I want the pain to stop. She opened her mouth to tell Brian that she needed him tonight, that there would be no strings or no promised commitments...but that she needed him to hold her and keep her close to him and to not let her go. The only words that came out were, "I need you, Brian."

    With his brows furrowed, he nodded and leaned forward to kiss her again. Then he stood up, holding her close. They left their cell phones in the living room. Nothing good had come from those cell phones in recent weeks, anyway. He left his briefcase, she left her purse. He didn't bother with turning the lights off in the living room as he carried her out into the hallway. His lips were soft and gentle while caressing hers as he carried her up the stairs.

    There were so many things she tried to tell herself. Men bragged about sleeping with two women in the same week. Why should a woman be looked at differently for doing the same thing? Granted, these were two men who knew each other, two men she worked with, two men who claimed to love her. The situation wasn't as cut and dry as a set of casual flings. When that argument didn't fly, she tried to remind herself that she was technically single. But mere days ago, she'd shared a magical night with Aubrey before having to tell him goodbye. It feels like I've done nothing but tell him goodbye for two weeks, she thought now, burying her face into the crook of Brian's neck. But he made a promise to me that night. As much as my anger and frustration is telling me that I should be with Brian tonight, I can't just jump into bed with him. Aubrey made a promise. I have to give him time to keep that promise. I have to at least try. If I don't, then...I don't deserve him.

    Brian pushed open the door to his bedroom, walked across the room, and gently sat her down on the bed. He leaned down, touched her face, and kissed her.

    She kissed him back halfheartedly. A lone tear slid down her cheek.

    He leaned up and frowned.

    "Don't hate me," she pleaded. "But...I don't think I can do this."

    "I know," he said softly., walking around the bed. "So...how about this? Tonight, I hold you. And stroke your hair. And tell you that everything is going to be okay, everything is going to work out."

    "I would like that," she admitted shakily.

    He climbed into bed and stretched out on his side. "Come here."

    She curled up with her back to him.

    His arms circled around her.

    She kissed one of his hands, then grabbed onto it.

    With his free hand, he caressed her hair. "Everything is going to be okay," he promised her. "Everything is going to work out. I mean it. I'll make sure of it."

    "I'm sorry that I couldn't-"

    "Don't apologize to me for being human."

    "The way you feel about me...you feeling like you would never leave me...all I want is for Aubrey to feel that way," she said, sniffling and turning her face into the pillow.

    He kissed her shoulder. "He's trying to protect you, in his own way. Give him time. A situation like this isn't easy to navigate in. I learned that the hard way, tonight."

    "Are you feeling...better about what happened?"

    "Yes," he said without hesitation.

    "I was worried about you." She wiped at her eyes and stared towards the bedroom door.

    "You were right to worry. I was off the reservation. I didn't know how to process what I'd just done."

    After a long pause, she asked him, "And now?"

    "And now, I'm still processing," he told her. "But I at least feel like I made the right choice. I felt like I did the right thing. Because Destiny?"

    Her voice trembled as she replied, "Yes?"

    "If I had to do it again, I would. If anyone ever tries to hurt you theway Jeremiah tried to hurt you, I will kill them and make sure they don't getanother chance."