One Day At a Time ✔️

Ch. 40 Can't Hide His Feelings

Drift's P.O.V.
Crosshairs will not like hearing I've been up most of the night with Jamie. I don't want to tell him, but he'll find out if we try to get Jamie to go with the terror twins today. Jamie didn't want to go back to sleep after the second time I had to wake her up from a nightmare. I could have made her go in the wheelchair for a walk, but I think that would have done more harm.
Drift: I fear Jamie thinks we'll abandon her if Crosshairs and I try to get her to stay with others. She's been fighting sleeping since two.
Ratchet: frag, that's not good for the three of you. Be careful with her until I get some advice.

I didn't tell Ratchet that Jamie hasn't let go of me or the fear in her eyes. I worry we're going backward, and she's afraid of Jolt and Ratchet again.
"You're ok; you know how much we care about you."
Sure enough, on cue, I have to change the diaper. I probably could have Jamie use the bathroom, but it's more complicated with the oxygen concentrator. I don't know if I could take this as she's relaxing. Now I worry if she's been trying not to pee all night.
While changing the diaper, I get Jamie dressed. I'm not sure if she's calm enough to put the speaking valve on. Though considering how tired she is, I should get her to sleep. 
Drift: can you invent a mind-reading device?
Wheeljack: I would have one by now if it was possible. I'm sorry.
It's a challenging twenty minutes, but I finally get Jamie back to sleep.

"How many times did she wake up?" Crosshairs asks.
"It's that obvious?" I sigh, "she woke up at two and didn't want to go back to sleep. You know how quickly she gets tired," I didn't think I'd start crying, "she's terrified we'll abandon her, take her back to the asylum. All because we left her with the terror twins for an hour."

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
Damn, I can't get back up after yesterday, and I don't want to wake up Jamie either. In the bathroom, it is.

Drift didn't care, and I wonder how long he has been trying not to cry? I feel like he needs to cry daily at this point. I can't show how I'm feeling. I know the risk I'm taking, but Drift is having a harder time with this.
Once Drift is calm, I get him to tube feed Jamie while I get our breakfast.

I make it downstairs before feeling all the hidden emotions trying to break free. I will still be seen, but I run to the conference room, ignoring the terror twins calling my name.

I sit in the far corner of the room, hoping the table will hide me. I try to hide my crying, knowing the terror twins will search for me.
She deals with enough already; why does she have to deal with this scrap?

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
"That was weird," Sideswipe comments, "the way he was walking to the cafeteria then turned to the other hallway."
"That was not a last-minute he forgot he wanted to talk to Ratchet either. Also, it's early enough that I'd think Crosshairs would see if Ratchet is in the cafeteria first. I think we need to get Prime before trying to find Crosshairs."
We didn't think Prime would get Ratchet.
Crosshairs is going to be pissed. Sideswipe tells me.
Probably, but he's hiding how this is affecting him, and it's going to be an issue soon.

I didn't think we'd be allowed to go with Prime and Ratchet to find Crosshairs., Not knowing he's in the conference room for a good ten minutes. By then, I see Drift wheeling Jamie into the cafeteria. Ratchet quickly runs down the hall. I hope he has a plan.

Optimus lets Sideswipe and I go into the conference room. We immediately hear crying.
Damn, how long has he been holding back crying? Sideswipe questions.
I don't know. I feel like we should have offered our help sooner.

Crosshairs is not pleased that he's been found. There's only one exit, and Sideswipe and I are blocking it. Optimus says nothing as he hugs Crosshairs, waiting for him to calm down, even if that means dealing with Crosshairs trying to leave.
"You can't keep hiding your emotions about this situation," Optimus tell him.
"I don't even hide how I'm feeling," I add.

Ratchet's P.O.V.
I catch Drift asking Ironhide if he's seen Crosshairs. He brought Jamie in the wheelchair, asleep. 
"I don't know where he is," I hear Ironhide.
Drift sighs and looks at Jamie. I think I know what he's thinking.
"Crosshairs didn't leave. Optimus is with him," I assure him.
I know that doesn't help him much. Now he's worried about Crosshairs, and even Ironhide looks at me. Before I can say anything, Drift runs out of the cafeteria.
"Great," I sigh, looking at Jamie, hoping she sleeps for a while and go after Drift.

Ironhide's P.O.V.
Something is going on, and I feel like part of it is Jamie waking up before her guardians get back will be a problem. I think it's wise to at least bring her to the medbay.

Jolt lets me lay Jamie on an examination room bed. Even he seems in the dark about what's going on. The more I think about it while waiting for either of them to walk in or for Jamie to wake up, the situation is Crosshairs couldn't hide how he's feeling but was hoping to hide how he's crying somewhere in the base.
"What a nightmare, and there's still months of this," I sigh, "it's hard to believe Optimus didn't allow a revenge mission."
"That will not help her. I hope she'll be ready to fight Megatron with us, but it will be at least a year."
"I worry she's getting suicidal. She hates how much her guardians take care of her, and now she fully depends on them."

I can't believe I'm getting worried that I've been watching Jamie for an hour. Even Jolt is worried as he walks into the room and puts a syringe on the counter. Jamie may not make sounds when crying or putting up a fight, but we don't want to allow her to be upset for hours. I just hope we can calm her down without drugs. Her guardians getting back before she wakes up would be better.