One Day At a Time ✔️

Ch. 43 Mistake

Drift's P.O.V.
I don't know if I should regret the conversation, but Jamie struggled with likely the same nightmare three times overnight. Crosshairs slept in the room next door, but I didn't wake him up. I've had to change the diaper after each time I've had to calm Jamie down. 
"So, how much sleep did you get?" Crosshairs asks.
"I don't know," I sigh, "I don't know if that conversation was a mistake."
"Same, she's always feared we'd abandon her, that every Autobot will abandon her. I thought she'd be ok, and this would be like the many times we have to tell her to eat more."
"If I knew," Ratchet sighs, "I should have known. Some medic I am."

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I don't know who looks worse, Drift or Ratchet, but Drift has already passed out twice from worrying about Jamie. Didn't think Jolt would have Drift sit on the recliner and get a chair for Ratchet to sit on, and I sit on the other bed with Jolt.
"Jamie's care has always been complicated," Jolt reminds us, "this is a complicated situation, and unfortunately, I fear she eventually would have had this mindset. She needed to know the importance of telling us if something is wrong."
"Uh, so I take it we should come back later?" Sunstreaker asks, standing in the doorway with Sideswipe.
"Yes," I tell them, "I don't think visitors are a good idea right now. We'll see if she wants to go for a walk."
I know they're worried, but we don't know if we'll be able to get Jamie to do anything today. How do we even fix this mistake?

We figured Ratchet would go to the hospital for advice. Drift, Jolt, and I talk about how Jamie's emotional struggle is nothing compared to this scrap, but we know it's still not great what she dealt with before what Megatron did. Quickly we changed the subject to what can we do to get Jamie to talk? We know we have to be careful, and Jolt points out it might be uncomfortable for Jamie to say more than one word, but we can work on this. The challenge is trying not to force her to talk.  

Ratchet's P.O.V.
"She is a complicated case," my colleague, Dr. Tiffany Taylor, comments, "do you think she'll be ok with me seeing her?"
"No, I'm sorry, but she's terrified we'll abandon her. It's a constant fear of hers."
"We can try a smaller tube. That might be the issue why she's not talking."
"We?"
"Ok, you can try, but I worry about her."
We switched sizes before I started putting the speaking valve on, but I see what Tiffany means. I give Tiffany permission to come by after her shift and inform the guards before entering the base.

Drift is giving Jamie a bath when I return. I know the bath relaxes her, and Drift is careful with the tubes. Jolt and Crosshairs worry about changing the trach tube size even with a small difference.
"I don't think that's it," Jolt argues, "but I know we need to figure out why she's not talking."
Then I realized Jamie might be embarrassed to be talking with a trach in.
Crosshairs and Jolt agree that's a possible reason. We have an idea to run by Drift and Dr. Taylor.

Jamie has been in a medically induced coma or out of it because of medicine to know I'm changing the trach tube. Today will be the first time she'll be fully aware of what I'm doing. The three of us are worried about Jamie fighting us, knowing how much she wants the trach out, but she's still not maintaining her oxygen level when she's upset. We have to make sure we're not creating an emergency with our decisions. Crosshairs worries about letting Dr. Taylor come by, considering what Jamie is thinking after the conversation yesterday. We might have unintentionally stalled Jamie's recovery.

Drift's P.O.V.
From the second Jamie woke up, she had sadness in her eyes. She refused the speaking valve. I know I should put it on regardless, but she's already upset, but I don't want to upset her further. 

Crosshairs waits for me in the room, not liking how Jamie holds on to me. I sit on the recliner, hoping to get Jamie to fall asleep. I know we have to talk about Jamie's response to the conversation yesterday. We both feel like she's going to be more difficult. I can't sit here all day, but I don't want to upset her if we can avoid it.

Jamie will not sleep, and I worry she's afraid to rather than not tired. Crosshairs tries to get Jamie to want to take a walk, and Ratchet joins in but hopes to have me stay behind for a few minutes. It's concerning that Jamie is back to how she was when she woke up from the twelve-week coma, except this time, she's holding on tight to Crosshairs.

Jamie's behavior is all I need to refuse to let Dr. Taylor come here. As for the theory about the trach, that's understandable, and I hope a smaller tube will help Jamie talk more.

Unfortunately, Dr. Taylor walks into Ratchet's office before he can call her. Another doctor here might be the least of our problems due to what the damn asylum did to Jamie. I don't think she'll cooperate even if she trusts Jolt and Ratchet.

Exactly what I worried would happen is what we get. Even as Ratchet tries to be gentle, treating Jamie like she doesn't know what he's going to do, even if she knows a lot of medical procedures. Crosshairs and I dread restraining her arms as Jolt and Ratchet do what they need to.

Jamie is too scared to realize she's making sound as she cries, but we still have to follow protocol and put a new trach in. Dr. Taylor walks in. The five of us look at each other, knowing we just terrified Jamie, but the trach had to be changed. We fragged up having the conversation yesterday.

Once Jolt and Ratchet are done, I wrap Jamie in her red blanket and sit on the recliner. She can't make a sound now, but I hate how she positioned herself on me. Frightened, I feel her trembling. The three doctors leave as Crosshairs looks at me, uncertain what to do. It's hard watching him sit far from me, and I worry we just lost all progress regarding trust and feeling safe.

Ratchet's P.O.V.
Tiffany is terrified that her presence made things worse and shocked at how Jamie responded to a trach change. I didn't tell her the things we found out that happened to Jamie and this simple trach change Just reminded Jamie of the surgery those so-called doctors did while she was awake and feeling the pain. We're terrified that we just erased all of Jamie's mental recovery. I can let her guardians take her back to their room if we have to, and they can handle her medication.

Tiffany isn't sure if Jamie is embarrassed to talk with the trach. With Jamie's mindset and what she went through, it's hard to figure out why she's refusing to talk. Now, I think it'll be because Jamie is frightened. 
"I'm sorry, I was hoping to help. I think I just erased seventy-six days of recovery," Tiffany apologizes.
"No, I think we unintentionally did yesterday," I sigh, "I just don't know if she would have responded that way without what they did."
"She wouldn't be this terrified," Jolt argues.

Tiffany stayed with Jolt and me in my office, worried about Jamie. Twenty minutes pass before we watch Drift put a sleeping Jamie in bed. Crosshairs hugs him as Drift cries, but tears roll down crosshairs' face. I'm haunted by what Crosshairs told me.
Drift believes Megatron's plan is to hurt Jamie mentally, to where she wants to be dead.
Damn it, do I need to have guards by the medbay, or will she not try to run off?