Lockdown

It's real

SOHIT POV

I lost my job...

Ha.

More like I quit. 

FUCK I LOST MY JOB! 

THE FUCKING JOB THAT I WORKED MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR! THOSE CODES. THAT IDEA... All those overnight shifts. That college drill... THAT SEARCH FOR INVESTORS. 

IT WAS ALL FOR A WASTE?!  

No. No. No. This is fucking wrong. I have a baby coming along. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR THAT NOW?! I can't even afford the fucking rent of this house. FUCK IT! Appa told me to keep savings for a rainy day... 

I'll be honest with you, I knew shit about what I was going to do next.

He had been harassing me over calls and texts ever since Pari called Swara and told her that she was pregnant but I never took it too seriously and now, I just lost the fucking job I left my appa for. The job that defined me. It was my life's work... And now it's all gone down 3 floors of that fucking building. And the worst part? When I turned around, I found her looking at me with worry in her eyes. My child's mother, worrying about me. I SHOULD BE FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT HER. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. But fuck it. I couldn't even do anything now. Because I QUIT! 

" Sohi..."
" So, I just lost my job," yeah. Definitely wasn't the best way to say it... I tried to make it casual but, it was too big. The algorithm that took me 3 years to make... I had spent day and night, sweat, blood, and tears, everything for that company, and here I was. JOBLESS. 
I knew that if my company didn't make it big, I would come on the roads, or maybe if it didn't work well for long, I would have to work on a bigger project but I never had a plan B because it was my life... That company that I just left. All because of my stupid anger! And I never thought that I could see that day but, it was all real. I wasn't dreaming... IT WAS ALL HAPPENING IN REALITY. 

The only thing that helped a little was the hug I received. 

Sigh. 

She hadn't talked to me for two days over the drunken night incident... It was my fault so... Well. Whatever. It was refreshing to feel her in my arms again. I guess the only thing soothing me now was the sweet smell of her washed hair. Or maybe unwashed. I don't remember when she last showered honestly... That timetable is pretty unpredictable. Just like what happened to me that day. FUCK MY ANGER! I need to work on it. 

" Is it my fault...? Did they fire you because I talked like that to that girl?" she asked me insecurely but I only sighed in her embrace as I quickly wiped my tears away before she saw me 
" No. It wasn't your fault. I quit..." 
" Sohit..." she said it with so much care and worry in her voice... I couldn't help but close my eyes and just, melt down in her arms... Honestly, a part of me wanted to blame her for that but I knew that sooner or later it would happen. Because there was no way in hell that I was going to get married to Swara or even try to date her. I just didn't want to mix my work with my personal life and that girl always gave me the creeps. So, sooner or later, if I had met Pari or not, the same would have happened because then, I would have married her sister and Swara would have still tried to pull those strings. I just... It was all my fault. I trusted her father with my ideas... I thought that I could get away from it. She was a real big thorn in my life and I just saw her as a stupid fly... God. If I had just known the amount of damage that she could actually cause... 

" Are you ok?" I couldn't answer that question though. I just couldn't. I didn't know if I was ok or not anymore. I didn't even know if I could manage to deal with everything happening in my life at that moment. You know? My life... It just seemed so worthless at that point. All that I worked for. It just ended like that over a call just because I fell in love?! MY LIFE'S WORK. Not Kartik's. Nor Mayank or Ved's. NO. The idea was mine. The codes were mine too. 

My entire life felt pointless at that one moment. 

And I would have done something really bad if it wasn't for her. 

Because when she asked me that question, I immediately got away from the hug we were in and began walking toward the kitchen. There was just one thought in my mind. HOW WOULD I FACE MY APPA NOW?! 9 years. 9 whole years I fought with him over that one thing. That one small idea that I made big and worked on for 9 years of my life! I COULDN'T JUST GIVE IT UP LIKE THAT!!!

Instead, I wanted to give up on something else. Something completely different. 

That's why, the moment I found myself in the kitchen, I pulled that one drawer out that I knew held all the knives. 
" NO! SOHIT! SOHI! Don't do this! SOHIT!" and if it wasn't for her trying to keep me from cutting my nerves that day, I don't think that I would have been alive today. 
" LEAVE ME PARI! That man just took away all my life's work-"
" NO! SOHI! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" she grabbed my hand and tried to snatch the knife out of my hands but my grip too was killer 
" I DON'T WANT TO LIVE PARI!" 
" DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY! SOHIT! I'M SURE THAT IF YOU JUST CALL HIM ONCE AGAIN YOU CAN TALK THINGS OUT! AND WHAT ABOUT OUR BABY??! WILL YOU LEAVE ME TO RAISE IT ALL ALONE!? WHAT ABOUT YOUR APPA?! You haven't gone to meet him in 3 years... Sohit! DO YOU WANT HIM TO SEE YOUR DEAD FACE!? You didn't lose everything Sohit! I'm still here, with you and in everything! PLEASE! LEAVE THAT!"