Suicidal Screams

Chapter Eighteen

//AN: Please be aware that this chapter contains graphic description of elements that could be a trigger. Please skip straight to Chapter Nineteen and do not read on. WARNING. THIS CHAPTER MAY TRIGGER SELF HARMING. PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER.

*

I was called an attention seeker, an emo, a waste of space. I was called into my head of year's office where she questioned me. I told her nothing. She asked about the bruises and cuts but not once did I open my mouth.

My tutor noticed when I didn't eat anything at lunch and so afterwards, I was sent to the head. I told Mr Cole that I had eaten all my lunch at break and he suggested for me to spread it out before letting me go.

During lessons, people called me names, wished me dead and threw things at me. Teachers were constantly giving me weird looks. I just wanted to die...

After school, Lola met up with me. She was in tears.

"Lola? What's up?" I asked her. My voice sounded dead. She was kind of my only reason for living right now... Maybe I needed to liven up a little bit.

"I'm sorry but I need to tell you something..." Her voice was just a whisper.

"What's up?"

"I... I had sex with Leon. I'm so sorry, Adam!" Her voice broke and she buried her head in her hands.

My world fell to pieces. My heart was snapping. Literally. Breaking and twisting. It was agonizing.

"I'm sorry Adam!" Lola pulled me into her arms for a hug but I pushed her away.

"We're done. I'm finished. So done..." I walked away. Tears blurred my vision. I couldn't take it anymore.

Sean... You was meant to be my best friend. Friends are meant to be dependent on each other and there for one another. They don't spread rumours about each other! You knew about the abuse but that didn't stop you from laying your hands on me... What happened to being my friends?

Leon... You danced with Lola at my birthday and I thought it nothing. Why would you do that to me? Why would you break me like that? Why? Why did you take her to the bedroom? My only reason for living...

Lola... Why? I trusted you... I loved you... What did I do wrong to you? I'm sorry for whatever it was.

I'm useless.... A failure. A waste of space.

Emo.

Attention seeker.

Worthless.

'Do us all a favour. Go kill yourself.'

'I'm sorry Adam!'

'I've given up trying...'

'It's your own fault.'

'You deserve this.'

Happened again. I don't know how long I can do this anymore. I'm sorry.

So sorry...

I didn't notice that I was upstairs in the bathroom. I wasn't fully aware of the scalpel going down the length of my arms. It was like my head was detached from my shoulders. But the pain... It fades. It goes eventually.