Suicidal Screams

Chapter Twelve

It had been a week. At long last, Mum let me go back to school. The bruises had been so bad that I couldn't have gone to school where the teachers would have asked questions. Steve didn't know about my week off. Every morning, Mum got me up and ready for school until he went off at eight and I could dress back in pyjamas. It was the only way for me to stay off school without Steve guessing. If he found out, he probably would have broken Mum's and my bones.

Everyday I had been talking to Sean. He had been supporting me amazingly. He had given me advice on how to treat the cuts I had made the day Steve beat me up. He somehow made me smile despite everything. The ache of my joints and the pain of the bruises had been enough to make me want to die. However, Sean was there for me. Sometimes Carla messaged me too. She complained to me about her own life as well. She said about how her dad was forever kicking her out of the house and grounding her for doing nothing wrong. I liked to think that we supported each other.

Without them... I would be nothing.

I went to school the next Monday. I was pounced on by one of the teachers, asking why I had been absent for a week. Mum and I had already planned it out and I had a note in my planner saying I had severe tonsillitis. The teacher bought it and let me go.

I met up with my friends outside of our morning tutor room. Well, only Sean and Carla was here. I was surprised because Lola was never to be seen further than three paces away from her twin.

"Hey guys." I said as I stood in front of them.

"Hey Adam... We need to talk." Sean said. He was avoiding my eyes. Carla looked straight at me, her hand in Sean's.

"Sure. What's up?"

"I can't help you anymore. I've tried but... I can't do it. You keep pushing me away and I've given up trying. I'm sorry." I felt sick at his words. Sickened that my friend was just giving up on me.

"Me neither. I've tried to help you and you don't do it in return." I stared at her now, gobsmacked.

"I've helped you! What do you mean?!"

"You didn't help me the other day when I told you about my dad kicking me out." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The day that Carla had told me about her dad kicking her out, I had been having a pretty crap day myself. I related to her and thought that had helped. Apparently not.

"What did you expect me to say? Come round my house? I have an abusive stepfather and it was seven at night." Carla just shrugged.

"We've tried helping you Adam. We can't do it anymore. I'm sorry." Sean pulled Carla by her hand and they walked away from me.

I was hurt. I felt sick, worthless and lonely. What had I done wrong? I hadn't pushed them away, had I? I needed my friends more than anything. Now they were turning their backs on me.

I leaned against the wall, arms wrapped around my torso as I tried to breathe. I wanted to self harm more than anything but I didn't carry anything on me to do so. I could hear my breathing get more ragged. My chest was hurting. I slipped down the wall so I was sitting against it. I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I closed my eyes, wishing that I would disappear.

//AN: I think the worst thing for a self harmer like Adam is when their friends turn their backs on them. My own friends did something similar to this and it really does crush you. People who are trying to stop self harming or are currently self harming, they need their friends. It's awful when a friend says they can't help anymore because it honestly makes you feel so worthless. Remember, friends are MEANT to be dependent on each other. With the help of friends, people like Adam can stop self harming. So if you know someone who is self harming, don't turn your back on them. That's the worst thing you could possibly do.