Type Of Story: 5SOS
Author: 5s0SfAn
Story Rating: (I'm estimating on ratings now tbh) PG or PG-13
Reads: 923
Votes: 94
Comments: 6
Description:
Luke has a crush on Mia Elvin, she's a celebrity. He has no idea she's another way of saying boy repellant.
"He's my idol, he doesn't know"
I know I use Mia and Luke a lot, it's easier because I won't mix up the names then :/
Suggested If: you like stories that are quick reads
My Review: ...Where do I begin? The plot jumps all over the fucking place, it felt like either 1) I was on drugs or 2) I was reading a story written by a nine year old. It gave me whiplash so many times it's scary. Your chapters could definitely be longer and your grammar needs a LOT of work, especially sentence and paragraph fluency and cut offs. The story took me 20 minutes to read, but the plot was extremely rushed and made pretty much no sense whatsoever. Not to mention you ripped off H2O. Overall, this story needs a LOT of work.
Note to Author: One word: ORGANIZATION
Rating (1-5): .5
Other Notes: Honest to God questions here: how old are you? Have you had ANY writing experience at ALL?
YOU ARE READING
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RandomFanfic Reviews part 2 I am also open to reading non-fanfiction!
