AT YOUR SERVICE

27. Making Amends

These last few weeks have been so stressful. During their break, Jungkook wanted to spend every possible free moment I had with me. It would have been wonderful if it wasn't for the fact that I was still feeling like a piece of shit about everything that happened with Jimin. Jungkook was so happy to have me around again and I couldn't bring myself to tell him what happened. It would only cause drama that he didn't need to deal with right now, not when tour was almost over. At least, that's the excuse I was going with. Tour is important and he needs to be able to give his best performance. I can't be a distraction. I was trying to buy myself some time so I told myself I'd talk to him when we got back to Korea. Everyday that brought us closer to going home made the knot in my stomach even bigger. It's a conversation I don't want to have but I can't continue keeping this from him, he deserves at least that much from me.

We're out to dinner now, we arrived to Chicago this afternoon and everyone, including staff got the rest of the day off to relax. Tomorrow I'll be spending the whole day with my family so Jungkook wanted us to have dinner together tonight since I probably won't see him tomorrow.

"Babe?" he calls out to me. I realize I've been zoned out staring out the window for who knows how long. I haven't been listening to anything he's saying, my food barely touched.

"What? Sorry." I snap out of my daze and give him a small smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes.

"Is everything ok? You haven't really been yourself lately." he softly asks.

"I'm ok. I'm just tired."

"Not just today, baby. I've noticed a change in you. It's been weeks now. I didn't want to say anything before thinking it was maybe my imagination but nothing seems to have changed since then. You know you can talk to me, right? I'm here for you." he takes my hand from across the table and gives it a light squeeze.

"I'm ok, really." I assure him even though we both know I'm lying through my teeth.

"I don't want to make you talk to me about something you're not ready to but I can see you're not ok, baby. Even the other members are worried."

"They are? But why? I'm fine." i'm a little surprised to hear this.

"You don't really smile anymore, you hardly eat anything. When we're together, you're off in your own little world and you're barely involved in the conversation. And..." he hesitates.

"And...what? Get it off your chest. You can talk to me, too." I say softly although I think I know where this is going.

"I don't want you to think I expect it or anything but...we haven't had sex in weeks. You have a right to say no and I know you're not always gonna want to but you never used to turn me down before. You would initiate it just as much as me but lately, you kind of shrug away from any intimacy with me. I can't even cuddle you or hug you. Even holding your hand, sometimes you just pull away. I just, I don't know. Did you change your mind about us? Do you not want to be with me after all?" his voice is all but a whisper at this point. He's looking down at his food, avoiding all eye contact with me.

"Baby, no. I'm sorry. I've just been in my head lately. We're ok. I'm not going anywhere." I try to assure him, trying to make myself more confident than I really feel.

"Then why the change? I'm just trying to understand you better. I just got you baby, I don't wanna lose you." he looks at me again, eyes glossy like he's about to shed tears.

"I don't know, Kookie. I've just been stressed lately. I'm sorry."

"Is it work? I can arrange for your workload to be lighter–."