Heirs of the Gods

Ch 71.2: The pitfalls of eavesdropping

"What?" he snapped. "What could you possibly want to say?"

"I'm trying, Gidden, I really am," she pleaded. "You came here today and I decided to risk everything to tell you. And you can't spare a bit of comprehension?"

Seeing her like this, eyes wide with anger and hurt, strands of messy white hair pooling around her delicate face... and that jumper. It was entirely too big for her, it fell off her shoulders, leaving her collarbones exposed. It would have endeared him, but up close, he could pick up on the scent.

It reeked of Aedion, like a claiming. It only served to further enrage him. It was only another chip added to the pile of things he couldn't process completely. Things he didn't want to process.

"What I understand is that you justify any action just because it comes from them, you don't care about anything they do!" He said, face transformed by a scowl. "What I'm understanding is that you've known all this information for months now, and you didn't think to trust me!"

Gidden was usually easy-going. There weren't a lot of things that bothered him too much. Change though, change was something Gidden never liked.

Rotations in guard duties took him weeks to get used to. He had the same friends since he was a child because although he could make friendly acquaintances, he never managed to form a deep bond. After his pet horse had died, it had taken him years to get a new one, because he couldn't let go of that attachment. Gidden rebelled against change.

He hated change and he hated feeling like his world had been turned upside down suddenly. That's how he felt upon entering Ella's room, he realised. He'd felt they were close, and now, he realised that after all, maybe they weren't.

That was the other thing he didn't like. Feeling useless. Dispensable. Like a second-hand friend. Like someone Ella clearly didn't trust enough to let in. Replaced for something else, something different.

"It's hard to speak with you when I feel like you're constantly judging me," she said, raising a palm to her chest. "Every time I do something you don't agree with, you put me down and act like I'm horrible. Do you know what that feels like?" Despite her anger, her eyes flashed with pain.

But he was hurt too, damn it. His chest ached and his head spun, and her words only managed to cut him further.

"I will always be honest with you because I care for you. It's not about putting you down. Friends tell each other the truth, even if it isn't what the other wants to hear. Do you want me to be honest?" he uttered bitterly.

"You cannot stand someone disagreeing with you," he snapped. "You've surrounded yourself with these people because they coddle you. They tell you what you want to hear and you eat it up because it feels nice, because you want to fit in somewhere, because you don't want to feel alone."

As soon as he said the words, he knew he'd made a grave mistake. He wanted to bring them back and swallow them down, bury them and keep them from ever appearing again. He wanted to take it back desperately. But that wasn't the nature of words. Once they're out, they never came back.

Ella's flinch lasted barely a second and the flash of pain even less. He wouldn't have caught it if he didn't know exactly where to look.

"Ella--" he began, but she cut him off.

"You're scared, aren't you?" she said, her voice quiet but sharp as a dagger. "You hate when anything is out of control. You hate knowing that you can't do anything about it, don't you? You can't do anything about it because you don't have it in you, Gidden. You tell yourself you're only being honest, but the truth is, you haven't the courage to change anything."