Found Heaven On Earth

Trials

Chapter Thirteen Beyoncé's POV

The same exact nightmare has been reoccurring in my dreams for three whole weeks now. I barely get any sleep. I'm suffering from exhaustion. Every night I simply lay in bed and cry. Just like tonight. I felt the hot tears fighting to be released. My bottom lip quivered before I felt a tear fall down my cheek, followed by another and then another. The pain I felt in my chest was unbearable. It's hard to believe that after two whole years I have not forgiven myself yet.

A glimmer of light caught my eye, and I turned my head towards my dresser only to see a blade. My original response was to reach for it, but I just couldn't bring myself to move. I sat there staring at the razor blade as the tears fell from my eyes. My mind wandered from the memories of my numerous nights at the hospital, and then to the feeling I experienced through cutting. It's almost as if the pain feels good. It sure feels better than the emotional pain that I'm feeling right now. Something came over me because without realization, I reached for the blade. The cold metal came into contact with my shaking hands. It has been six whole weeks since I've been released from the hospital. Six whole weeks since I've cut myself. Am I willing to throw this all away again? I thought about the promise that I made to my family, the promise I made to myself, and immediately dropped the blade. The tears now flowed uncontrollably, no longer because of my nightmares but because of what I almost did.

I need to leave this room, and I need to leave now. I exited the room, and headed towards Camryn's room to check on her. As expected she was sound asleep. I fixed her blanket properly ensuring that she warm before leaving, and checking on Cam. Entering Cam's room I was greeted by the sound of the unevenness of his breath. His breathing increased as I grabbed his inhaler.

"Baby wake up." I said shaking him.

He opened his eyes slightly before closing them again.

"Cam. Wake up."

"Huh?" He choked out.

I sat him up, and gave him the inhaler but that didn't seem to help. He began to wheeze and it was then and there that I knew he couldn't breathe. I rapped his blanket around his body, and did the same for Camryn, and rushed the both of them out to the car.

I arrived at the hospital with speed, and immediately began call the doctors for help.

"Help! He can't breath!" I screamed.

The nurses took my son from my arms, and placed him on a stretcher before placing breathing mask on his face and wheeling him away. I was denied access to the room where Camden was guided into.

"Please that's my baby. I have to go with him."

"Ma'am I'm sure everything will be fine. You just have to stay calm and take a seat in the waiting room." The nurse responded.

I couldn't believe that she told me that everything is going to be fine. My two year old son is lying in a hospital bed because he can't breath, but everything is going to be fine!

After calming myself down, I grabbed a sleepy Camryn and layed her down on a couch in the waiting room. She immediately fell asleep unaware of the seriousness of the situation at hand. Me on the other couldn't get any sleep if I tried. My mind was too preoccupied with the thoughts of my son, my baby. I can't loose him.

Shawn's POV

After my shift at the hospital finished, I gathered my belongings preparing to leave. On my way out I noticed a distraught Beyoncé in the pediatric waiting room. My mind automatically drifted to the worse thoughts possible.

"Beyoncé what happened?" I questioned.

She looked up at me with tears streaming down her eyes. Her bottom lip began to quiver as she tried to speak.

"C-cam." She whimpered.

Cam? Cam is her son I think. What could have possibly happened to him?!

I sat down next to her, and draped my arm over her shoulder as an attempt of consolation. She laid her head on my shoulder and cried even harder. Once I noticed her daughter sleeping on the couch right beside us, I went to get us some blankets. Once I returned I placed one blanket over her daughter and another over the both of us. She laid her head on my shoulder once again before crying herself to sleep. I simply sat there thinking about the possibilities of what could have happened. After a while my mind became restless as drowsiness took over. As soon as I drifted off to sleep I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Dr.Carter I need to speak with Ms.Knowles." I nodded my head in response before slightly shaking Beyoncé to wake her up.

"Beyoncé. Wake up!"

"Huh?"

"Dr. Young is here for Cam."

"Ms. Knowles, you son Camden suffered from an asthma attack. It was not severe but we have placed on oxygen mask on him to help with breathing. Also we'll need to keep him overnight to monitor his breathing."

"Thank you doctor. Can I see him now?" She questioned.

"Yes. He's been asking for you and he won't keep the oxygen mask on."

"Can you come with me?" Beyoncé asked.

"Of course."

She grabbed her daughter and Dr. Young escorted us to the room where her son was held. The moment Beyoncé saw the IV connected to him, and the oxygen mask that laid beside him, she began to cry. She laid her daughter on the couch and ran to his bedside.

Beyoncé's POV

I placed a sleeping Camryn down on the couch and ran to Cam's bedside. The sight before me broke my heart into pieces.

"Mommy." He whispered weakly.

"Hey baby. You have to keep this on." I instructed as I placed the oxygen max back over his mouth.

"I no like it." He pouted.

"It will help you breath better."

After a long debate with my two year old son he finally agreed on keeping the mask on, and shortly after fell asleep. I kissed his cheek before being greeted by a sleeping Shawn. He actually stayed with me.

My thoughts drifted from Shawn and back to my son.

"I almost lost him." I choked out.

My children are all I have left. I need them. I do not know what I would do without them. It literally broke my heart imagining life without one of my children. The tears began to fall down my cheeks one by one, until I was crying hysterically. My sobs eventually awoke Shawn.

"Beyoncé what's wrong?!" He asked genuinely concerned.

I couldn't find the strength to answer him. The image of losing my son played in my mind again and again. Shawn pulled me into his lap. I repositioned my body and laid my head on his shoulder before falling into a deep sleep. This was the first time that I actually slept in weeks despite the circumstance.

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