Found Heaven On Earth

Temptation

Chapter Seven Beyoncé's POV
(Two weeks later)

So far I've kept my promise, and fought the urge to cut my wrists. It has been extremely difficult, but I promised myself that I would change and I will not break that promise to myself. Over the past two weeks Michael has been an immanent part of my thoughts and dreams, which has me feeling a various amount of emotions. Whenever I think of him, I feel anger and resentment towards myself. Then I feel sorrow, and long for his presence. One word cannot describe my mixed feelings.

Today has been one of those when I've been feeling really depressed, and I have fought the urge to cut all day, but I feel like my emotions are getting the best of me. If I go home and spend the rest of my day alone then I will probably cave into the temptation. Instead I decided to go to Kelly's house therefore I can talk to my sister and I won't be alone. I need to pick up my kids from her anyways.

After leaving work I jumped in my car, and headed towards Kelly's place. I arrived in a matter of minutes. Both of my sisters live nearby just in case we ever need other. I took a deep breath before exiting my car and ringing the doorbell. As the door swung open I was greeted by my daughter.

"Mommy!" She exclaimed while jumping into my arms.

"Hi baby." I greeted before scolding her.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to open the door for strangers?"

"But you're not a stranger."

"You didn't know that because you didn't ask who it was. You just opened the door."

"Bey leave that girl alone. I told her to open the door because I didn't feel like getting up." Kelly interjected.

I greeted her with a warm hug. Well at least I tried to hug her, but her protruding belly made it quite difficult.

"How's my nephew?" I asked.

"He's kicking my ass." She replied before flopping down on the couch.

"Try carrying two babies. Where's Cam?"

"Somewhere around here following Tim around."

Camryn plopped onto her aunty's lap claiming her seat. Just as Kelly was about to scold her Tim, Cam, and Shawn came strolling into the living room. Wait Shawn?! What's he doing here?! Cam came over and jumped right into my arms, placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Hey Bey? How you doing?" Tim greeted with a hug.

"I'm good and you?"

He simply nodded his head in response. Shawn then greeted me afterwards.

"Hey." He said with a warm smile.

"Hi." I replied with my head down in an attempt to hide my flushed cheeks.

"It's good to see you outside of the hospital." He stated making a reference to our "talk" two weeks ago.

"Yeah." I replied with a smile.

"Come on Cam. Let's go wash your hands." Kelly said leaving the room with Tim, Cam, and Camryn.

I simply rolled my eyes. I know that she did that on purpose.

"You seem like you're doing a lot better."

"Really?!" I asked genuinely shocked.

"Yeah. You don't think so?"

I shrugged.

"I mean I haven't cut myself or attempted suicide these past two weeks, but I feel really stressed out today. It's been tempting."

"Don't let the temptation defeat you."

"I won't. That's why I came over here. So I wouldn't have to be alone."

"That's good. Anyways I should get going. I have to work the night shift tonight."

I walked him to the door, and bid him good night.

"Good night. Be strong." He whispered before planting a kiss on my cheek, and leaving.

I leaned against the wall, and slid downwards until my butt reached the floor. I couldn't help but to blush. Why does he have this effect on me?

In a few minutes Kelly returned, giving me a weird look. I simply shrugged.

"Bey why the hell is my front door open, and you're sitting on the floor like you don't have a care in the world?!"

All I could was smile. One simple gesture from one specific person has put me in a trance.

"Bey what the hell is wrong with you?" She questioned before taking a seat next to me.

"Nothing." I replied sounding like a schoolgirl who had just got asked on a date by her crush.

"Beyoncé."

"Well if you'd really like to know Kelly. I came over here so I wouldn't have to be alone since I was having a really bad day. But you left me alone anyways so it doesn't really matter."

"I wanted to give you guys some alone time." She stated with a smirk.

"Anyways he kissed me."

"HE WHAT?!" She screamed.

"On the cheek." I mumbled.

"Beyoncé you have me over here acting like a mad woman for a kiss on the cheek!"

"It meant something. To me at least. Kells I just don't get it. I'm already feeling some type of way about him, and I barely know the guy."

"Bey. Shawn's a great guy. You're probably feeling this way because he did save your life. Just don't let falling in love stand in the way of your recovery."

"Kelendria Rowland! Nobody is falling in love."

She simply rolled her eyes.

"Go home Beyoncé."

I did as she said. I gathered my children and their belonging, and we were on our way. Both of them had fallen asleep in the car. I carried Camryn in my arms, and woke Camden up because I can't carry the both of them. I dealt with his crying and guided him upstairs towards our apartment. He made a mad dash for his bed, and drifted off into a deep sleep without even putting on his pajamas. My poor baby. I changed Camryn into a set of clean pajamas before laying her down, and letting my current thoughts take over.

My mind drifted from my exhausting day, to Shawn, to what Kelly said about falling in love, and then back to Shawn. The little things that he does has me feeling some type of way, and I just don't know why. Maybe I am falling for him, but I'm definitely not falling in love with him as Kelly says. I'll never allow myself to fall in love again. Not after what happened with Michael. Love opens your chest and it opens your heart, and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up.

My thoughts drifted away from love, and back towards my day. It wasn't Kelly, or Tim, or even my kids who brightened my day. It was Shawn. Maybe that means something. Who knows?