Found Heaven On Earth

Just A Dream

Chapter Eleven Beyoncé's POV

"MICHAEL GET THE HELL OUT!" I repeatedly screamed while punching his chest.

The next thing I know I'm in the waiting room of the local hospital.

After receiving the devastating phone call that my fiancé had suffered from a fatal car accident, I couldn't help but to feel as if it was my fault that he now lays in a hospital bed. If I hadn't told him to leave we wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be in critical condition, and he wouldn't have to undergo the emergency surgery they are now prepping him for. I waited anxiously for the doctor to return saying that he was okay. I just knew that he would alright. As the doctor came out of the hospital room covered in blood I heard the words that would scar me for life.

"I'm sorry. He didn't make it. I'm sorry. He didn't make it. I'm sorry. He didn't make it." The same exact words were repeated over and over again.
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I awoke from my nightmare in a panic as sweat dropped from my body. I screamed to the top of my lungs, and tears began to pour down my cheeks. I'm having nightmares about the same guy that I'm trying to keep out of my thoughts. I'm having nightmares about the one and only guy I've ever truly loved. It's my fault that he's not here today. It's all my fault.

My screams must have waken Camryn up because the next thing I know she was in my bed. Of course she noticed my tear stained cheeks, and wrapped her little arms around my body in an attempt to comfort me. I held onto her for dear life. To be honest I need her just as much as she needs me.

"I love you baby." I said while looking at a spitting image of Michael.

Her facial features mirrored her father's, except for her light brown/ hazel eyes inherited from me. Camden resembles his father exactly.

"Love you mommy." She stated before lying her head on my chest.

Soon she drifted to sleep, and I was left in my thoughts. Every time I closed my eyes the image of Michael's lifeless body in that hospital bed appeared in my mind. My thoughts drifted from our fight on the day that he died, to the words that his mother said to me, to the day when I found out I was pregnant. My life was and still is an emotional wreck. Ever since Michael's passing my life has not been the same.

I stayed awake all night fighting the urge to sleep, but when I finally drifted off I was awaken by yet another nightmare. The same nightmare replayed over and over again in my head.

Tonight I finally figured out the reason why I cut myself. I deserve the pain he endured the night of his death. He didn't deserve the pain, but I do. The burden of knowing that I am the cause of his death is enough pain, but somehow I still feel that I deserve more. This feeling of depression and sorrow will forever haunt me.
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Before I knew it, morning had come. After slowly detaching Cammie from my body, careful not wake her up, I headed to the bathroom for my normal hygiene routine. Looking in the mirror I noticed the large bags that had formed underneath my eyes, and saw my tear stained cheeks. I look at least ten years older than I actually am. I looked in the mirror, and didn't even recognize myself. What happened to me? I used to be genuinely happy, always smiling, but now look at me. I don't even know who I am now. I no longer recognize the person in the mirror. I already know that's it's going to be a long, tough journey but I need to find myself. I need to search until I find genuine happiness again.

A/N: Short update but I just wanted to post because I reached 1k views 😘 5+ comments for next update. Your feedback is appreciated.