serendipity

53

Chaewon remained silent, thinking of how she will react to everything you are telling her.

Aside from having clinical depression, you have another Condition that's worst than that and that one would cause her grieve.

But she just can't wait for you to slowly weaken and just disappear one day, that will be a torture and way more painful than she have experience before.

Losing her parents is still hard for her, infact she haven't move on about it, but knowing that she's going to lost someone who's important to her, again.

That was too much for her to handle.

" I actually still have time to live but it depends on my body on how long it could last. It's no use if I want to live longer but my body is giving up. So I lost hope and refused treatment because of it " You explained as you raised your hand counting your not so sure remaining days.

Glancing at her. You smile and reached for her hand to hold it. " You made me happy ever since I met you. I thought my life will be nothing but a boring one. " you thought you're just someone waiting for death.

Failing to give any response as Chaewon run speechless, she felt like she have swallowed her tongue.

It was too much to hear that she badly want to cover her ears but her hands are stopping her to do so.

" I'd rather spend my remaining days with you than pursue a surgery that won't assure me that I'd still see you by the morning and the next days after tomorrow's. "

It's hard for Chaewon to speak, she can't make up her mind she can't even process what you said even a single thing from it.

She don't know what word she should say for you to change your mind.

It's a very crucial moment for her and all she could do is to listen at what are you saying. Who knows it might be the last ?

She don't want you to suffer more and bear with the pain for the remaining years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or worse seconds. She don't want to see you weakening time to time.

But she also want to respect and understand your decision even if she wants to push you for a surgery despite having 50/50 chances of living.

The only thing she could do now, is to lower her head down, bit her lower lip as a drop of her tears fall down from her eyes, cheeks and down to your hand that she's already holding tightly, like she don't want you to go.

She don't want you to leave. She don't want you to disappear.

A whimper escapes out of her mouth. " Why do you have to make this so hard for me..? "

" You're so selfish " Chaewon continued as she clenched her first on her other hand.

She don't know what she's really feeling right now, she felt angry, annoyed, disappointed and ofcourse sad. All of those emotions are getting all mixed up already.

" You want to spend your remaining time with me ? " She asked without looking at you.

You didn't dare to talk or hum, you can't find yourself talking with her when she's in this kind of situation.

You want to cry but you don't or else it will just make things more difficult for you.

" I don't want to see you slowly dying infront of me " that's the most painful thing she could think of. " I can never watch you leave. You think I'll be happy knowing that you spend your remaining time with me ? " She stopped and take a long breathe.

" No!. " She spoke so hard. " You're hurting me and you will hurt me once more when that so called specific time comes " She understands that you only wants to treasure time but she just can't help not to think of what will happen to her after.

Wiping her eyes off to remove those tears she couldn't make herself to look at you as she keep her hand to holding yours.

" Do you think I'll be happy knowing that each days that I spend with you are lessening your time to live ? "

Finally Expressing and saying all of her thoughts about it, she grab her courage and look at you.

There, her heart is beating faster again once she met your eyes.

How she wish this feeling could stop, but in exchange your heart won't stop beating.

" I want you to get better. I don't want you to leave us, to leave me. I want you here beside me. I want to take care of you more. I want to watch over you everyday. I want you to stay. "

" Is that hard to ask ? "

She knows there's no assurance or confirmation on every decision you've make, but she just want you to stay.

She wants you to live longer, if not for her then for yourself, for your friends.

Chaewon wants to spend more time with you but that's just too wrong.

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