Overlap

Chapter 11: Malica Moringstar

<04/02/2010 - 12:20 | Saffrin Middle School (Lunch/Math), Austell, GA, USA>

April...

An interesting time of the year has brought along some overdue changes to the state of Georgia that I live. Last year, it felt like the fall and winter came just a little bit early if I only went by temperature. Similarly enough, it was spring already, but it felt like summer was already trying to arrive early to keep up the previous pattern. As the days went on, the air outside gradually warmed up some. The amount of hours per day that it was cold outside gradually diminished due to the changing seasons of the climate.

Now if I had to choose based on the preference that I've held all my life, I would prefer the cold over the heat. When it's cold outside, no matter how uncomfortable, all I have to do is add more clothes and dress up in warmer layers. Once overheated, I just take something off, but it isn't as simple in the summer. The sweat makes me more uncomfortable, and strong Air Conditioning units are required not to pass out from heat stroke on certain days. Unlike with the clothing, I can't just strip everything off, especially not here at school, as interesting of a day as that might be in thought.

But this year left me feeling very weird and a little conflicted about the whole thing. With the warming weather, as I had identified in patterns before, whatever part of me that was so obsessed with outer space, the cold itself, and thoughts about the Altiri was packaged into some kind of mental box and shipped away somewhere out of reach. Any residual thought about them including all of those strange dreams seem to just vanish when the weather warms up.

What makes it so strange is that along with the vanishing are all the same thoughts that would obsess over the obsessions themselves. It was as if there was some kind of mental checking system that ensured I both loved and obsessed to the cold, the Altiri, the dreams, the idea of outer space, all of it! But without those there, I could finally glance at those thoughts in a new light. It made me realize once and for all without a shadow of doubt that some kind of outside influence is affecting the way I think. At least that is how it felt. Without proof, I could not be sure.

But it really drove the point home. When it was warmer outside, especially today, I've noticed that I don't automatically become entranced into a dozen daydreams at once when looking at the symbol of the Altiri. My hatred for men and heathens still exists strongly, but I fell more docile about the situation than I used to, as if I could let myself relax a little when around them. Even at night when I look up at the stars, whatever powerful longing feeling I once had about them is only a fraction of what it used to be. It's all still there, the obsession about the stars and space, but it's no longer strong enough to totally control me like before.

It got me thinking about it all. I never managed to explain this to myself in any logical manner because of how weird it was, but still, it made me realize at least that something weird was happening around me or directly to me. All I could do for now was chalk it up to my overactive imagination going out of control, having finally settled down for the summer. I wasn't angry or upset about it either. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I kind of missed those feelings a little. Can't say why, but I feel like it at least made my sixth grade life a little more interesting.

I even acted a little less girly, but just a little. Everything I did and everything I felt finally seemed like I was the one controlling it all again, like I had become myself. That didn't make anything easier for me. Luckily, I had plenty of practice now speaking at random in my groups of friends, especially during lunch when we were allowed to be as noisy as we wanted. So I was able to keep up with everybody despite the subtle changes inside of me. I managed to make people laugh with ease, getting a handle on some of these jokes and a few more pop-culture references, some anyway.