Overlap

Chapter 59: No Power in the 'Verse

<08/04/2011 - 08:55 | Saffrin Middle School (Outskirts), Austell, GA, USA>

It's not what I want to do; it's what I have to do. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that I was okay, I knew I was only a moment away from collapsing into myself forever. All of my entire mind was allocated to this impossible decision. I didn't want to decide, but time held me hostage to this moment. In less than another year, I'll be forced to endure another summer. If I'm still so attached to Lumina by then, I'll fall apart into tiny pieces once more, until there really is nothing left to recover.

With that in mind, I closed my eyes in shame, trying to hold my body calm against its trembling, while I concentrated on calling Lumina back. She only put the connection in phase, and I've learned by now how to bring the connection back to normal without screwing everything up, so that's what I did. I made sure Lumina knew it was time for me to deliver my decision to her. After only seconds of concentration, I gave my psionic shift all the power I had, my eyes opening again. "Lumina!"

"You— You called me back...! That must mean you've made your choice." Lumina didn't hide her pessimistic sadness when she told me that, and I didn't immediately correct her either, since it was understandable why she was about to be so upset.

Well, here goes. "Lumina? I'm so sorry for being a complete idiot. I know that you also suffered over the summer like I did. Even if my suffering was far worse, even if I have to go through that again, over and over, I don't care anymore. I don't care if it makes me go insane or not."

With a most excited gasp, Lumina perked up and asked, "Does that mean you..."

"I made up my mind! I don't know how I could be a complete idiot, but I had to remember every single detail in order to know what the right thing to do was. I remember the promise I made to myself that day, and the promise we made to each other. Do you remember Lumina? I told you that I'll always be here for you, that nothing would ever turn me away from you. All of that hell that I went through, I've been hurting because I was living life without you. Going six months without you Lumina, that will very much hurt me. It may break me, it may crack my entire mind, or destroy my entire spirit, but I can survive, knowing I'll one day see you again when the cold returns. However, trying to imagine life without you at all, to continue going on without you for the rest of eternity, well I can't imagine it Lumina. I can't imagine that, because I'd rather be dead than live in a world where you no longer exist. You mean everything to me Lumina. Everything!"

"Reed..." Lumina was crying once more, but her emotions and gesture were different this time. She was smiling, still shaking from the anticipation that I might have shut her out forever. Her tears were now those of bliss.

"A girlfriend? I don't see you as only that. It's not the reason I was so upset to not have you here with me. You're a lot more valuable than that. You want to talk about meaningful, you're the one who gave my life meaning, since the very first day we met." I wondered if Lumina might be somewhat confused by my own context, but I was talking to both of us right now, to her and to myself. All of the unhelpful thoughts bombarding my head earlier, all of the suggestions to just break it all off were thoughts I had to challenge directly. "Plus, our situation is not hopeless. There are other places we could go to. There are other states in this country that I could move to, states where the weather is always colder, and the summers are always shorter. If I can just move there, ensure I have the money and means to live on my own Lumina, we can change our lives forever. If we move out of Georgia, I won't have to suffer as much each year. So to answer your question, we aren't breaking up. We're just getting started."

"I don't know what else to say. Thank you! Thank you so much Reed."

How could I ever think about letting go of you? There's no way I'd let that happen. There's not a chance in hell! "A life without you is no life at all. I won't ever stand for that kind of thinking again. So what do you say Lumina? Will you stay with me, for as long as you possibly can, each and every single day or night where a connection is possible?" I held out my right hand flat, as if she would somehow shake it, hold it, and adore it.