Overlap

Chapter 20: Perceptual Manipulation

<09/28/2010 - 15:49 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>

Soon after dragging my defeated body through the front door, I sluggishly let myself fall backwards onto the living room sofa, letting out a relieving sigh while reaching for the MP3 Player in my pocket. My body, drenched in sweat from the terrible heat outdoors refused to move from this position. Since my Gym class forced us all to run a full mile today in that bright hot sun, I have since been exhausted and totally out of energy. And thanks to my asthma condition, even two hours after my run was over, it felt like I only finished about six minutes ago.

After finally getting home from the bus and having the living room all to myself, I managed to relax in every way I could. Once I got my earphones and music player ready, I set the repeating track to one of the ancients I was still in love with even after a whole year of hearing it. Since it comes from a video game, the soundtrack has no real track data, but it felt something special, a song far out of the ordinary. Listening to it in any circumstance placed my mind into that familiar mental trance I used to have. Even though I have not had that trance too strongly as I used to, I started to miss how it made me feel. Since I was laying down, my aching body went to work on rest while my mind remained fully active, contemplating how life was going for me...

It's been nearly a month since I broke up with Malica. Even after all of that time, it was hard not to think about her. The same went for people in general. Since I stopped associated with those I used to hang out with, it's been very tough lately getting through each day of school. I've more or less immersed myself into books and gaming while at home. But at school, even though it seemed like I was fitting in with other students, it never lasted. Even Silla's group stopped talking to me lately, proving that their sole interest in me was based entirely off the fact that I liked the Twilight Series. It wasn't myself or my personality they were interested in. In fact, it might as well go to show that nobody at all likes me even a little.

Even though it's hard not to get lost in the daydreams, I do my best to be there in every single class, just so that I might get the chance to hang out with more people again. But everyone has their own life they are totally invested in, whether it be burying their head into their studies, or excluding weirdos like me from their personal life. The point is, nobody cares about me; nobody pays me any attention, even when I try so hard to ignore my own introverted shyness and struggle to start a conversation.

Luckily, the return of that mental trance I was used to feeling last school year has made my situation a little easier. It's the reason I love feeling this way; because I don't have to think about how depressing or lonely my life is. It's the reason I wish other realities were real; the reason I missed songs like these charging my mind with uncontrollable thoughts about the cold blizzard of an unknown world, or about the infinite stars of the night sky. It is in all aspects the perfect distraction.

The beautiful music of my own addiction continued playing loudly on loop, changing my very own way of thinking as I allowed it to. Despite the physical state I was in, my mind was far away from sleeping mode. It's both one of the blessings and curses of my ADD. With so many thoughts at once, there is no way in hell I would ever fall asleep, even by accident, not at this hour anyway.

Ever since a few months ago, the concept of napping has become foreign to me entirely. Other people can apparently just plop down somewhere and fall to sleep in the blink of an eye, napping for two hours between the time of day and night. Truth be told, even I used to be capable of this, but even at night when it is time for me to go into a full cycle of sleep, shutting down all of these thoughts is basically next to impossible. The only outlet that seems to help wind myself down properly is working on my short stories or something else that might be interesting, but during the day, no matter how hard I try, I cannot nap. So, laying here in the cool air conditioning of the home poses zero risk of me accidentally falling asleep, something I knew in the background as I process all of these other thoughts.