Overlap

Chapter 58: Until the End

<08/04/2011 - 08:21 | Saffrin Middle School (GA History), Austell, GA, USA>

The sound of pure silence, the absence of all noise, still sings. Silence has its own crests and troughs, its own waves of energy, its own music, just like the sounds of the oceans at shore. I let the alluring rocking of the silence take me, keep me safe in its embrace, swaying in opposite directions sluggishly. My mind and body were cuddled by this coffin.

Teenagers my age spoke all around me, their voices melting into the background of my oceanic void. I cared not for their words, so my ears obliged me in tuning out the entire world. They sat next to and in front of me, the people that I knew. I cared not for the displays of ugly and beauty around me, so my eyes blanketed my surroundings with a filter of darkness, like blackout curtains against the sunlight. Some of them tried talking directly to me, curious still about my unchanged, empty expression in my lifeless eyes. I cared for myself, for the feelings I used to know, but I also forgot how to feel anything. So, I buried my emotions so far away, throwing aside the key and embracing this new slumber.

I ignored anything anybody said to me without so much as a huff of air or an eye movement. I wasn't ignoring anybody on purpose, but I wasn't sure how to talk anymore. I forgot who I am. I don't remember what I'm doing here, what I'm supposed to be doing, or why I'm even alive. At the same time, I didn't care to ask the question or to know the answers. I was in a dark place, a quiet space, inside somewhere I've never been to before. I felt so calm and safe inside, encased in some shell that let me rest always.

"I guess nobody is home." Banarus had been addressing me, getting all the heads at the clumped desks to turn facing me.

Some part of me still knew what was going on outside. I could still hear, see, and feel the rest of the world around me. I just didn't want to interact anymore, even on autopilot. So now, I was ignoring her. I don't care one bit if anybody thinks anything good or bad about me anymore, so there's no sense wasting a single second replying to her.

Despite being back in school for the past two days, I've been in this state for much longer. Yet I still barely found my way around the middle school again, sitting nearby familiar faces. None of these people were with me when I needed them most, so I never considered them to be my real friends. Even so, some magnetic force kept attracting me back to any seating arrangement near them, in virtually every class, including this hellish one they call Georgia Studies.

Next to me was Zero, who stared deeply into my empty expression, curious to what sent me away. In front of me were Banarus and Kate, and Laura was sitting to the side of them, adjacent from my seat. These were about every person I knew in one way or another compared to the rest of this class. If I had any care left in me at all, I'd be furious to be in a class with an unworthy name such as this one.

"You know you have to cheer up sometime! Just dance your troubles away!" Enthusiastic as ever, Laura tried to get a response from me as well, lifting both my limp arms for me and swaying them around to make it look like I wanted to dance with glee.

When she let go, my arms plopped back on top of the desk with a thud, my sad face totally unchanged. I looked up for the smallest moment, towards my arms while Laura held them, but soon enough lost interest. Nothing Laura could say would ever make me care again, so I don't know what she was expecting me to do.

With as silly as Laura was, it was more than rare for her to be unable to lift someone's mood, even if the difference was minuscule. For that reason, they all became more focused on my depressing sulk. "People have bad days I guess. You should try not to ignore everyone though Reed."

"No, he's been like this since starting back up at school." Zero had to remind Banarus what she observed herself.

Indeed, every minute of every day, I've been responsive only to the bare minimum of surviving another day of school, writing notes without bothering to learn them, only getting up to move when I had to, only nodding to teacher's questions instead of speaking, and listening passively if I felt I had to. There wasn't any point in going any further, so I wasn't about to change that over someone's meaningless concern.