Overlap

Chapter 88: Premonition 003

<05/02/2012 - ??:?? | Location Unknown>

From the very moment I asked Lumina to be by my side forever, I knew there would always be a price to pay for our covenant. So long as I reside on Earth, the tradeoff of knowing her is steep, and as long as I remain in Georgia, the separation which fractures our hearts and cripples our states of mind becomes absolute. Once the end of May rolls around, our second summer will start; our inclement torture will begin. I've always wondered how much worse the second summer would be, but I've also had some hope that I could armor myself with the friends I'd make along the way.

What a fool I was! People like me don't ever succeed in making friends. People with secrets as grand as mine aren't allowed to demo the social aspects of life I've long yearned for. Those are the rules set in motion by nature, the nature of humans. Countless times have I tried to merge interest with others, to mingle with those I felt worthy of learning everything, or to buy the attention and interest of any I silently cried out to!

If I wanted to build a bridge of straws between myself and someone else, despite all my struggles, I was more than capable, proving the possibility time and time again. If I desired a bond stronger than straws, a connection deeper than shallow words or emotional facades, I would require myself to impart all I knew about our worlds in the process. Every time I try, fate launches me back out of the civilized world, floating adrift in a pointless, lifeless void.

At some point, I must have believed that I would prevail in perseverance regardless of my historical luck, that at least one human in this world would understand, or even desire to understand how I live in two worlds at once. I wanted to believe that I would one day be accepted as I am, for what I already know, for all that I try to do. Knowing I've wasted my efforts, my head held low in shame, my soul out of fire, out of breath to sing again.

In the final days of spring, heading home in the final moments of middle school, I dragged my feet beyond the isle of the bus, knowing this would be the last time I get off. This would be the last time I get to see anybody I knew, anybody I tried to care for. This would be the last time I would have the chance of any intelligent conversation, before being left all alone in a scorching, burning planetary oven.

I tried thinking back on all of my middle school experiences, to find the point where I screwed up, to identify the mistakes that I made leading me to such isolation. I could find nothing to return. Through no fault of my own, all of my experiences between everybody else were only as important as random white noise. What was the point of school? What was the point of all those encounters I had with so many people my age, when it led to loneliness in the end?

As I jumped from the final ramp of the bus's door, I embraced this sickening entropy, swallowing my world in a deep darkness. I should have known before that I could never make friends with other humans with the knowledge that I had. With nothing left to look forward to, with nothing left to occupy my mind, I would spend the whole long summer hanging out with no one, speaking to nobody, interacting only with myself as if stranded on a deserted island. The summer winds have carried away the possibility of spending any further time with Lumina; they shall only return in the winter, and I shall emerge, broken, damaged, and injured in horrifying ways I dared not imagine.

If anyone out there can feel the tears of my heart crying out, please help me!

<03/28/2012 - 06:43 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>

Without warning, I inhaled so strongly to awaken to a world so familiar yet mysterious; this world, this planet, this personal space of mine. I knew immediately upon waking that I was having some kind of dream, and I effortlessly remembered every single detail of each moment...