Overlap

Chapter 128: Not a Mistake

<12/19/2018 - 19:03 | Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>

"You know damn well why. Divine miracles do not exist. I'm going to be doomed to this state forever." Though I wouldn't normally let so many of my dark emotions project through myself and Lumina, my current situation made it impossible for me to keep carrying on. Though I was walking outside per usual, my pace already halted to nothing, myself and everything I've ever wanted stopped by the truth I could no longer escape.

"We both knew it was going to happen eventually. I warned you that you would one day build up a tolerance to the medication." Lumina was referring to the Tension Headache formula I put myself on for nearly two years now. The current life-ending crisis was slamming me in the face now.

For the past two weeks in a row, I've kept getting hit hard with some of the worst headaches I've ever encountered before. People can brush off the severity all they want, but if anyone saw the state I was in last night, they would swear I was trying to expel an actual demon. I didn't even know the human body could contort from pain the way mine did. Instead of forgetting about it, they were only freaking me out much more.

I'm lucky to even have a connection with Lumina tonight. The situation hasn't changed. The current pain level is (four) right now, but I'm sure it will ascend again soon. "I take this crap medicine to stop headaches from getting through anyway. It's not as if they'll just disappear because I decide to throw it away."

"Here we go again with your addiction problems. It's not a proper excuse to keep taking something that doesn't work anymore."

"Well what do you want me to do?!" Though I shouted a response to the top of my lungs, I wasn't angry at anyone. This horrible crushing defeat, it's above my ability to do anything. Neither one of us can fix this, and now, there is nothing left to do, no more moves we can make; the end of everything.

"Ree— What's gotten into you?" Lumina didn't have to wait on me to say anymore, since I just couldn't. Instead, I sank to my knees by the park, crying into my shirt again, too frustrated to think.

Some people think I have it easy in life, and others don't get to know the real me, the person standing behind bulletproof walls of mind altering, debilitating pain. I've had headaches all my life, far more often than I've ever hinted to in this story. I didn't want to bother about it then because it was both irrelevant at the time and boring... But what do I do when this problem stops everything and everyone?

It isn't just about physical pain and having to deal with it on a near-daily basis. Most of the time I have one, I cannot even contact Lumina, even now as we're in the dead of winter. In the past, I had a few things I could have tried to bounce around, prescription medications to test, out of the eight different neurologists and five other doctors I've seen for this. You probably wouldn't believe me at all if I told you I've tried them all; anything and everything. As long as it was legal, I've had it in my system once or twice. Narcotics can't touch these headaches. Anti-inflammatory drugs only make them worse. Anti-seizer meds make me walk strange and still provide no relief. And every 'preventative' I've ever had has done absolutely nothing to help. I actually had two neurologists quit on me as a result... It's time I got with the program and did the same. It's all over now.

"I can't take this anymore Lumina!" I don't care how much of a sissy I sounded like in my tears, as sure as I was none could truly understand or grasp how it feels to survive under these conditions. "Every other day it's another headache. Every time I get one, I can't do anything at all. I can't finish any homework or learn anything. I can't enjoy any kind of entertainment, and I can't spend my time doing anything but laying down in agony."

"There has to be something we haven't tried." At last, Lumina's voice tremored with worry and concern. Nice as it was, her optimism did me no good.