Overlap

Chapter 109: Truth to Zero

<04/28/2016 - 14:00 | Cage High School (Library), Austell, GA, USA>

No matter how many years sink by, despite a never-ending effort to find other humans I can relate to, I'm still the only human in my area who knows anything about the existence of the Altiri. I should have awakened to my true feelings sooner, but I've realized that I don't really want to keep all of this a secret anymore. I want others I trust to know, to learn about this important part of my life, so that I finally have something to talk to them about.

In spite of my priority to talk to someone trustworthy about this, I've still yet to tell anyone about the Altiri aliens and the truth of Lumina, at least, without having that other person freak out and pretend like it never happened. Throughout high school, as it pertains to this one problem, I've had my hopes crushed and my heart stomped on for one reason or another. I've lost any connection with the people I thought were my friends. I've grown more isolated each month from the other students of the school, so much that I'm starting to see them as the aliens in my life. Part of me doesn't want to be near humans anymore. Part of me doesn't want to bother trying to have a real conversation with someone else. Sometimes, I get so close that it's exciting, but then that person becomes distant the very next day, often without me doing anything to warrant the behavior.

Everyone is living in their own little world, their own social bubble. They'll subconsciously fight like hell to stay in their routine, fearing anything too new or too out of the ordinary. Meanwhile, I grow closer to Lumina every day, her and the people in her world. Biologically, I am still a lame human, but psychologically, I feel like I'm much more Altiri than anyone on Earth will ever be.

However, as right as I may be, as deserving as I am to sound this arrogant, I haven't done everything in my power to have others understand me. If I really wanted to, I could yield fully to my desperation and publicly announce in any open room, or to the entire school that I'm a purged human with telepathic abilities, or that I'm married to the most amazing woman in the universe, so close, yet so far away. Even at the thought of this, my heart starts racing, jabbing me with a fear I cannot burry completely. I'm still scared to talk to people about it. It's terrifying to open up every single time. I worry about many elements of my life as well as my reputation.

I tell myself, the reputation I have right now, as a person who isn't universally seen as insane or too weird to talk to is important to maintain, that the image people have of me isn't spoiled or damaged beyond repair. It's not just important what I say, but how I say it too. The moment anyone listening to my story considers the possibility that I've made Lumina or the Altiri up as an imaginary fabrication, this thought overpowers anything else I have to say, for everyone else. If I start from the absolute critical part of the story, to begin at the crux of our different origins, impossible distances, or amazing psionic powers, then everything else I have to say in the ears of others will become just as implausible as the first statement, despite needing that context to understand us. So, if the whole school knew only the basics about us and not the rest, nobody would ever listen to me again. I'd be written off as a lunatic who nobody would want to talk to.

And yet, I feel like I'm about to pull my hair out, because even as things are now, I can't talk to them about anything in a meaningful way while holding the most important parts of myself back this far. I'm stuck, stuck in a never-ending cycle of perpetual doubt toward each choice I make, on individuals and on everyone as a whole. I'm afraid of the many consequences that could come after - if enemies catch wind of what I've been through, not enemies of myself or Lumina, but enemies of our intent of continued immersion together. I don't even know what specifically I'm wanting in a friend anymore, because I've never really had one aside from Lumina to begin with.