The Art of Falling Apart (It Girls Series #3)

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Mirae

They say loving a person who doesn't love you back is the worst kind of pain... but I think I'd have to disagree with that. I think losing your passion with the things that you used to love doing is the most excruciating pain of it all.

I read one of the books that my mother wrote, once again. It was about a woman who lost her passion for writing. Just by reading it, I could feel her struggle. 

This scene where she was facing her laptop, trying so hard to find all the words that used to be pouring freely at the back of her mind before were suddenly like pieces of puzzle that are so hard to find.

I wonder if my mother has the same struggle with her heroine as she was in the process of writing her book because I felt all of it. 

The frustration, the pain, and the struggle of forcing yourself to do the thing that you loved before, but you end up hating now...

It makes me want to vomit... I want to punch the laptop screen, pull all my hair out, rip my skull and see if there are still remnants of words there... words that I need in order to finish this fucking book that I once started with passion, but now I just want to end it.

But I don't know how.

I don't know how to fucking end it... but I'm certain it makes me wanna end me. Writing used to be my escape from the world... but now the tables turn and I just badly want to escape from it. It used to be my best friend, but now it became the pair of hands wrapping around my neck, squeezing my throat until I couldn't breathe.

I started this book with passion, but I think I'd have to finish it with depression.

I closed the book, hearing a soft sound coming from the slap of two separated groups of pages. I let out a deep breath as I felt the walls around my chest tightening. 

I'm tired, yes. Exhausted even... but what must it be like to feel exhausted and passionless at the same time? Just thinking about it makes me feel depressed, too.

This is why I don't read books with heavy plots. My heart couldn't take them because I always put myself in the situation of the heroine.

I need to get ready for school.

I set the book on my mini shelf and then I went to the bathroom to take a shower and change into my uniform.

***

"Damn. Your boyfriend is early," Sheryl yawns while scratching her eye. Her hair is still messy. Like she just got up to get something downstairs and now she's about to go to her room again.

"Huh?" Her statement left me confused.

"Eli. He's downstairs." She says.

My eyes grow wide. "What?" I gasp, clamping my hand on my mouth. Is she for real?

She just nods and yawns again. "Slap him for me. He ruined my goddamn sleep," she says before entering her room once again. Oh my God!

I immediately went downstairs just to see that Eli is right there on the couch. My heart raced together with all the pulses that I have in my body.