Divine Realizations [ Clarion X Milori ]

Chapter 43 (letter)

Milori,
We haven't had a good time have we?
At least not recently.
Do you remember when we first met?
I do.
I had been walking around the forest, loving my solitude.
It had been a few days after my coronation (we were so young back then) and I was feeling overwhelmed and hunted by all my advisors and just people who wanted something from me in general.
I was not looking for anything in particular, just a sense of peace as I wandered through the trees.
Imagine my surprise when I came across a divide in the ground.
One side sunny and colorful, the other cold and bleak.
(There's a hidden metaphor in there, yes) Anyway, I had heard a few tales of the Winter Woods and was fascinated by the white expanse in front of me.
Instead of taking a cautious step like most, I walked straight into the hazy snow, not even having the proper clothes.
I did not care.
I just wanted a brief refuge from the demands of my position and knew my mind would be clear here.
I held no power in this realm.
Not only a minute after crossing I had heard shouting in some nearby trees and quietly came to stand behind some bushes to see what it was. In the clearing were two winter fairymen sparring with swords.
One was average looking, I truly cannot recall anything else about his appearance, as my eyes were glued to you.
Even though you had no royal clothes/signs about you I somehow knew you were important, it was the way you carried yourself and the confidence.
(That has always drawn me)
Either way, you were doing a good job of defeating the poor idiot who had seemingly crossed you.
Back then, I did not know the difference between practice spars and ones meant to kill.
All I saw was your sword cut his arm and I felt my feet propelling myself forward.
In an instant, I was standing between the two, facing you, as the other one crouched behind me, holding his bloodied arm.
"Stop, he's hurt", I said while valiantly staring you down even though you made an imposing figure.
Thinking back on it now, I am embarrassed as that was a very stupid move on my part and you certainly never let me forget it from there on out. But the embarrassment meant little to me as it brought me to you, and intwined our paths.
I regret many things in this life, but meeting you, being hurt by you is not one.
I'm getting ahead of myself though, back to the story.
We had stared eachother down for a few minutes, you still held your bloody sword as if ready to strike.
Finally, you told the boy behind us to go and he had gotten up quickly and ran holding his arm. Sheathing your sword, you began to circle me calmly.
"What is a warm fairy doing in these parts?"
I crossed my arms, "There isn't a law against it is there?"
You shrugged, "No, but it is interesting, we don't get many visitors."
I sneered, "Perhaps that has to do with your inhospitable king."
You see, at the time I had been trying out new trade routes but a certain winter Lord had turned down all of my proposals.
Very rude.
At this, you paused, clearly shocked that a random woman would have commented such a treasonous thing.
I still remember vividly that you came very close behind me after I said this, causing chills to go up my spine.
"And what do you know of Lord Milori? Have you ever seen him?"
You caught me at this and I replied, "I have never met or seen him before but I've heard the Queen speak of his uncooperativeness."
Now I may be dumb, running into a fight between two men with swords, but I was not stupid.
I was not about to let it slip to this unknown stranger that he had the Queen of the Warm realm at his mercy.
Still I could not see you, but I could feel your warm breath on my shoulder.
"Your one of her ladies maids then?"
When I stayed silent, I felt your fingers brush against the skirts of my dress and I jerked away. You held up your hands in a surrendering motion.
"You must be apart of the royal court in someway, your wearing too fine a dress to be just a servant."
I nodded my head, relieved that my secret was still safe, "Yes, I'm one of her advisors."
You nodded at this but still peered at me, "Then you know that she is impulsive and relentless, for I've heard of Lord Milori getting massive headaches in the way she harasses him." Indignantly, I drew in a breath, "Then you are also apart of his court? How would he feel if he were notified that one of his generals attempted to gravelly injure one of his subjects?"
You stepped forward once more, an annoyed look crossing your face.
"How would Queen Clarion react to one of her advisors trespassing into a neighboring realm and getting into business she does not belong in?"
(We were doomed from the start, weren't we?) We had held each others gazes for a few more minutes before I finally broke, "Ill bring her majesty here tomorrow, we'll see then whose in the wrong."
Yes, I had thought this was brilliant.
You show up the next day and it would just be me at the border and you'd foolishly realize whom you were speaking to the entire time.
Of course I'd have backup in case I felt like punishing this winter citizen for insulting the Queen of Pixie Hollow.
Apparently you had the same idea.
You grinned at me, a dazzling smile, and momentarily I had forgotten that I was mad.
"And I'll bring his highness, it will be perfect. Maybe they can both agree on some diplomatic topics for once."
That next day, I stood at the border with about a dozen guards, waiting to meet this Milori and his ridiculous servant who dared insult a Queen. Again imagine my surprise (and blistering fury) when I see just you walk up.
I rolled my eyes, "Where is your king? Do not waste my time."
But something was different about you I realized, after I said those words.
You looked grander, more put together.
Not at all like the rough man I had seen fighting the day before.
You wore clothing that equaled mine in quality and most importantly, a simple yet heavy silver crown upon your head.
A crown.
I must have realized who you were the same time you found out who I was for we both seemed to stand in shock.
The day before I had been wearing a simple traveling dress made to not draw attention.
Now I wore what was to become my famous/signature golden dress, a beautiful jeweled crown sitting on top of my own head.
Immediately we both burst into laughter and you held out your hand, bowing.
"Well if it isn't the impulsive and relentless Queen herself, I had a sneaking suspicion."
I took your hand, curtsying while shaking my head, "You have me at a disadvantage then for I truly thought you were just a soldier."
You clutched your chest at this, "And your onslaught continues, I thought being called uncooperative was bad enough."
However you continued to smile and I could not help but to return it.
God, you were so blindingly handsome back then, you still are yet I think we can both agree that the burden of our newly appointed royal duties had not yet worn us out.
Even so early on I knew you would ruin me, how true that ended up being.
The rest of the day we stayed at the border talking.
I had dismissed my guards and we both took turns crossing into each others' land.
We spoke on diplomatic subjects as well as playful ones.
You told me how that boy you were sparring with stole something in which the punishment is automatic conscription into the winter military. However the young fairyman had wagered that he could beat you in a duel and if so, should be let free.
Now my embarrassment nearly doubled but you had said I was gorgeous when I blushed so I didn't mind.
When the time came to leave, we came back the next day, and the next after that.
The rest is history I guess.
You had your accident at some point then Tinkerbelle and Periwinkle happened along many years later, reuniting us.
Are you bored yet?
Don't be, this is where my point comes into play. From the very start I've always envisioned you the way I wanted or to what fit my narrative.
If I wanted you to be in love with me, that's how I saw you; in love.
If I needed a hero, that's what you became; my hero.
I wanted a family so you became my family.
You had little choice, not very fun or fair to you, I know, but back then I would have made up anything just so I could fit into your world somewhere... anywhere.
Even if Tinkerbelle and Periwinkle hadn't found each other I believe I would have still made a way to reunite with you.
That's just it isn't it?
I can't ever seem to let go even though time and time again, the universe seems to be telling me to.
Well I'm letting you go this time.
Your free now.
I see how wrong I was to both let myself settle and let you settle for something that was not real. Even if it was very real for me.
I have always loved you, I don't think that will truly go away but I'm ready to love and be loved by someone else.
I'm ready to be treated and loved how Arden was.
You should be open to trying again as well, at least for Avalon's sake.
I'm going to miss her so much, please know and remind her that she is always free to visit or stay with me, no matter the day or time.
I'm better for knowing her and grateful to have been apart of her life, if so briefly.
Why does this letter sound like I'm dying?
A part of me is I suppose but it's not how I envisioned parting ways with you.
I am happier than I have been in months and hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me for the way I've left things, Milori.
It's for the best though.
The divorce papers will be on their way soon enough, I only want what was mine before our union originally.
If you have any objections I'm sure we can come to a compromise through our legal teams.
Please understand, I am not writing you this hoping that you'll come after me or try to fix things.
Far from that.
Always know that I loved you and would do it all over again if given the chance, even knowing the ending would still be the same.
- Clarion