Hate that I love you

Im sorry*IMPORTANT*

I have some confessions to make. There are reasons I don't update all the time anymore. It all started on my 11th birthday.

I used to be so innocent then I learned things about my dad and moms past. My dad had a girlfriend who constantly told me things to feel worthless.

Her daughter was worst. She would always try to fight me or tell me I don't belong. Soon my dads girlfriend took custody of me away from my dad and took me away from him.

Once my dad got custody of me finally over a year of fighting for me we moved. That was 3 months ago.

Here I am completely broken from the situation I was put in from my dads now ex-girlfriend and daughter. I've thought about self harm because of all the words left in my head from my dads ex girlfriends daughter.

I feel fake... I lost weight. Stopped eating, changed how I look, my fashion just for my dads girlfriend and kid to stop hating me.

My dad had a kid with that girl a year ago and she is refusing to let us see him. It breaks my heart because I love my brother to pieces.

Now my moms story... I haven't seen my mom In 2 years almost 3 or my half brother who lives with her (not my dads kid) in 4 years. my mom lives in California and I live in Rhode Island. The only time I contact my mom is a simple hello and never getting a text back.

My friends think my mom is dead because I hate talking about her.

To sum up, I feel worthless so much stuff has happened in my life . There's things in not allowed to tell you too. Like my mom and dads past or things that happened in my past (Like details)

I'm not so innocent either... I act like a teenager, dress like one. I'm even mistaken for one! I feel like a slut.

1 I don't even wear make up yet I get judged by everyone around me! 2 I use to never swear and I was all good and things. I'm now getting in trouble all the time and I could care less.

I used to get straight A's or B's. This semester I got my first C and I was like Fuck it.

No one get me! My family tells me I have it easy. I have been putting up with too much shit these past couple of years!

I have so much pressure on my back and no one sees it. No one sees I'm slowly breaking and it hurts.

I try to act all happy all the time when really I'm depressed. I would like to thank @liv_anyaa For helping me threw these past 5-6 years and showing me I'm worth it!

Making my books is how I used to get away and now I feel like I'm letting people down. My reads have dropped and I'm in a funk.

I love you all!