Searching

Chapter 17

Searching
Katibah Elle
Chapter 17

Zuhair parked his car in the garage and took a moment to drop his head on the steering wheel, he was so tired.

Eventually he found that tiny flicker of strength, as he finally trudged slowly into his home.

Today was not a good day, with all the tension that was pumping through his veins, his body lost every ounce of energy and he was ready to drop. Sleepless nights paired with the back to back meetings, had him rubbing his temples in actual agony.
Were there no one competent enough to complete simple tasks anymore?

All he did, was put out fires, bear the burden of one too many situations, none of which concerned him, and right now he did not want to see a single person.

He hoped that neither of his parents were going to call him out for supper, he was not in the mood for any type of company.

All he wanted was comfort food.
A hot cup of butter coffee and a blueberry muffin, perhaps some hot spiced chips would hit the spot, serving as a food therapy.

Laying down his laptop bag on the table, he placed an online order for what he wanted.

He knew of a local fast food store and bakery that would deliver quickly.
Not bothering to move further, he sat down on the grey papasan chair, gently flexing his fingers in an effort to rid himself of the stress he contained.

Zuhair carried the immense pressure of the day, but he knew work was not the only aspect that contributed to his pounding head.
The unbelievable weight of emotional anguish and exhaustion, mounted upon him.

Each night, he has been revisited by the nightmare memories of Aaliyah.
All he experienced, was the terror that laced his body, the aftermath of a soulful destruction.

The state of his mind was causing him to lose himself, slowly he could feel himself unraveling.
He knew he needed to firmly take hold of his emotions before it overwhelmed him.
He refused to allow it to drag him down again, he refused to allow “her” to drag him, to the worst depths of his damaged state.

Even after all these years he did not make peace with what happened.
He simply buried the pain, suppressed the trauma and refused to delve into the emotional suffering.

Therapy allowed him to accept the fact, that he needed to get on with his own life, but he never accepted what happened, obsessively questioning the reasoning behind it, it was the wondering why that killed him, that left him feeling helpless.
Zuhair was aware that he needed to end his fear, he needed to face the fact that Aaliyah had betrayed him.

While the anger surfaced of Aaliyah’s betrayal, the guilt of not being able to help her, ate away at him.
Eventually he forced himself to push away anything related to Aaliyah, to such a point, that he almost forgot of her existence, all in an effort to attempt to lead a normal life.

Now with the resurrection of his demons, he needed to deal with the guilt that danced along side the burn of deception.

Knowing this was going to break him, perhaps more than before, but it had to be done. Only until he is able to find a way, to work out of his own darkness, will he be able to face the love of his life.

He wanted a future with Tahseen, void of any past shadows.
He wanted the best, for both of them.
For her and for himself, he vowed to strengthen his soul.

Zuhair was so lost in his contemplation, he did not hear his phone going off with one single notification, the same time the door bell rang for his delivery.
As the ringing became constant, he snapped out of his thoughts and got up to collect his delivery.

Only after collecting his order, did Zuhair notice the incredibly odd message Tahseen sent to him.

The text message read :

We need to talk. Asap. It’s urgent.
Meet me at the hospital.

Perturbed by the panic he sensed in her message, Zuhair left his food delivery on the table and quickly grabbed his keys.

Zuhair drove to the hospital furiously, not bothering to stop at the red lights.
With one hand on the steering wheel and his cellphone in the other, he repeatedly tried calling Tahseen, but her phone only went to voice mail.

A thousand thoughts crossed his mind, that she could be hurt, sick, perhaps something happened to her parents, her message did not hold the details, but Zuhair knew her well enough to know that this was a life changing situation.

Tahseen’s message concerned him greatly, and the hollow sensation in his gut warned him, that this was the start of a downward spiral.

He barely parked his car, before sprinting his way into the hospital. He almost knocked down a nurse, and with a shout of an apology, he continued running.

He burst into Eric’s office, his chest heaving, his eyes burning.
Eric turned away from his patient with wide eyes.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Martin. I have a very enthusiastic intern working under me. I’ll be back with you in a moment.” Eric politely addressed the woman.

Glaring at Zuhair, he motioned for him to step out of the office.

“What the hell! What do you think you are doing? Do you have no respect at all? I am in the middle of work, seeing to my patients, Zuhair, you can’t just barge on in, in this manner. ” Eric barely contained his anger as he reprimanded his friend firmly.

Zuhair acknowledged his actions weren’t the best at the moment, but he was desperate to find Tahseen.

“Look, I apologize. I just.. I need to find Tahseen. Have you seen her?” Zuhair gasped out, holding his hands out, only just retaining his breath.

Eric sighed as he rubbed his forehead, “No Zuhair, I don’t know where she is. Perhaps try the children’s ward, by the mural. Please, this can’t continue. I don’t know what is going on between the two of you, but I will not allow you to disturb my work place. You are my best friend, but there are certain etiquettes that needs to be adhered to. Excuse me.”

Eric walked away abruptly and Zuhair let him go.
He knew that with Eric, his work was of utmost importance to him, he will talk to him later, with a more formal apology but first he needed to get to Tahseen.

Zuhair ran to the children’s ward, taking the stairs up, two at a time.
Finally as he turned the corner, he saw her.
Sitting right under her mural.

She just stared ahead, her face expressionless, unmoving.

Zuhair’s heart froze, this was wrong, seeing her like this just felt wrong.

Warily he walked forward, with caution, as if any small movement would frighten her away.

“Tahseen? Hey.. Baby? I’m here.” He whispered gently.
Tahseen did not move, except for the ever so tiny tremble of her bottom lip.

Zuhair crouched down beside her and reached forward to stroke her hand with his thumb.
“Tahseen?” he spoke slightly louder now.

As if breaking a spell, Tahseen rapidly blinked, releasing the tears that lay against the edges of her eyelids.
She withdrew into herself, distancing herself from him, and still without glancing at Zuhair, she asked, “Did you kill her? Did you murder an innocent girl?”

NO

No.. No..
The first instinct to roar NO consumed Zuhair.

His eyes fluttered shut, his body giving in to the weakness, as he fell back against the wall, right next to Tahseen.

The void that began to open, now spread further throughout his body.

Somehow she found out, somehow the  nightmare that crippled him, had manifested with Tahseen’s questioning.

He did not know how to calm the crazy
within him, but it was the truth he knew, all he needed to do was to tell her the truth.

Zuhair closed his eyes, summoning the strength to walk down his haunted past.

He parted his lips, and with a voice hoarse and raw, soaked in pain, he spoke, “Not just any girl. She was my best friend, I loved her like no other. She was my sister, my little baby sister. Aaliyah.”