Searching

Chapter 20

Searching
Katibah Elle
Chapter 20

Zuhair lay on his bed, his body light and empty after the profound release of emotions, his mind very much dazed.

He has been in this exact state for a few weeks now, feeling as if he were floating about.
He did not show up at work and refused to take any calls.
He had his secretary send his parents an email, letting them know that he was away for a ‘business trip’.

An easy lie for them to believe.

Looking through his phone, he saw thousands of messages and miss calls from both Eric and Tahseen.
Eric knew better than to persist, but Tahseen on the other hand, he could only imagine what she must think of him.
Pity? Disgust?

Never in all these years did he think, that he would open up to someone other than Eric, about his sister’s death.

Talking to Tahseen, it just felt right.
As much as he wanted to hide the past, looking into her eyes, filled with so much confusion, making him rip open the wound, leaving him completely down and vulnerable, to bleed out more than before.
Right now, not only was he vividly aware of his dark past, the pain hitting him anew by living the moment of Aaliyah’s death, his chest tight and raw, now he knew that this information would drastically affect the way Tahseen felt about him.
He knew that pleading his case to her parents would be futile, a damaged man could never marry their beautiful daughter.

His intentions with Tahseen were absolutely pure,to love her and romance her, to be the reason the light sparkled from her soul.

He saw the lack of contentment within her, and unlike with Aaliyah, he’d hoped to keep her back from a similar destruction.
With his pain revealed in this way, he feared she would find it difficult to accept him and it killed him.
His opportunity of happiness was snatched away, yet again, by the after effects left by Aaliyah.
For so long he planned the way his meeting with her parents would go, how his own mother would have fallen in love with her instantly.

Now, everything has changed.

Zuhair was not sure of how her parents had made the connection, but his own grandfather always spoke about the close friendships back in the day.

When the incident had taken place, his grandfather was livid, beating Zuhair wildly with the only words flowing off his tongue, ‘How will I face the people now?! ’

It was those very words what led to Aaliyah to commit suicide.
The sickness of society, more concerned of their status amongst people than their own well-being, than the happiness of their families.

There were only two people who held the knowledge of his truth, his only best friend and the love of his life.

Even during his ramblings, he was acutely aware of the horror and pity that reflected on her face.
He knew what he did probably made her question his sanity, him taking the fall for a suicide.
Trusting Tahseen was definitely a risk, but what was done was done, either he would fight the chaos, walking in bare and emerge with the scars or he could choose to avoid it , but at some point he will have face it, in order to go through it.

Zuhair sat up at the thought, he couldn’t lose her, not like this.
This was one battle he refused to lose without a fight.
If he lost her in the process, so be it, he will have the knowledge of knowing he fought for her, knowing he tried.

With that determination of love coursing through his veins, Zuhair jumped out of bed.
Frantically he made some calls, there was something he needed to do.
After a hot refreshingly shower, scented with Armani and suited up in full black, Zuhair headed out.

Arriving at the Hassim’s residence, Zuhair made sure to neaten his appearance. Straightening his tie and smoothing over the stubborn lock of hair that persistently fell over his right eye.

“It’s now or never.” He murmured to himself.

Taking a deep calming breath, he got out of the car.
Zuhair knew that Tahseen was not home, and that was exactly what he wanted.
He was not here to see her.
Shoving his hands in his pockets he headed to the door. As he was about to ring the bell, the door opened and two very attractive looking young men, with the exact features, floundered out.

A spurt of jealousy erupted in his stomach and he quelled the urge to interrogate them.
This was the Hassim family home, so of course there would be young family men.

“Asalamu alaykum. I’m here for Ebrahim and Fahmida Hassim.” Zuhair greeted politely.

“Oh you must be the new accountant.” One of the boys started to reply.

“Mum and Dad will be down in a minute, why don’t you take a seat in the lounge.” The other completed, while ushering him inside.

Zuhair was mildly derailed by the accountant statement but gave them an easy smile.
So these boys were Tahseen’s twin brothers.
In the way she had mentioned them, Zuhair had adorable little boys in mind, definitely not men in the form of identical GQ models

“Thank you, I’ll wait.” Zuhair nodded as he took a seat.

After a few moments of waiting, a very well dressed lady and man descended from the staircase.

The man continued to smile as the woman talked animatedly, with many hand gestures.
When the woman’s eye caught hold of Zuhair, she gasped and held onto the pearls on her neck.

As they walked towards him, Zuhair stood up and greeted, “ Asalamu alaykum, Mr and Mrs Hassim. It’s an honour to meet you.”

Fahmida glanced back at Ebrahim, before replying, “ Wasalam, you must be the newest accountant. Quite handsome at that. It took the company long enough to send somebody. Oh well better late than never. Let’s have a seat. ANDREA! PLEASE BRING US THE BOOKS AND SOME REFRESHERNERS! SNAP SNAP!”

Zuhair held out his hand and shook his head,
“ My apologies to interrupt, but I am not the accountant you’ve been waiting for. In fact I am here for a personal matter.”

Famida dropped her hand and looked at him, “Oh. Is that so? Without an appointment? Please start by giving us a name.”

Fahmida and Ebrahim took a seat and looked at him expectantly.

Zuhair was too anxious to sit, so he remained standing.

Clearing his throat and as he clasped both hands , he spoke with the authority of a man madly in love,  "I am Zuhair Adam. I am aware that you know my name, as well as my family’s history. Before you kick me out, I want you to hear what I have to say.
I am completely in love with your daughter, and I’m here asking for your blessings. ”

Three gasps were heard and then:
“Zuhair! What are you doing here?! ” Tahseen whispered, her hand over her lips.

Zuhair looked up, and there she was, standing by the door.
His heart burned with love, and it could be seen through his eyes.

Forgetting his speech he had prepared for her parents, he slowly took one step towards her and replied, “ I’m here because I want you to know, that I am not perfect.
That I am flawed and misguided, that I have done things that neither of our families approve of, but I’m here, right now, for you and only you Tahseen.
I see you for you, I see an intelligent, beautiful, kind hearted woman.
I see you for the cracks you try so hard to hide, and I know that with all that you are, you shine brighter than anyone I’ve ever seen.
Now that you know about me and my past, this is the worse possible way I can express this, but in all those days of isolation, all I came back to, was the what if’s, and so I couldn’t let you go.
I don’t know how you feel about me, but I had to come, I had to try.
Tahseen, I love you, for everything you are, for everything you’re going to be.
I want to be your comfort, your strength.
I want to be there for every smile and every tear.
Life is not perfect, I know this!
Love is not perfect, we are far from perfect, but I want nothing more than to spend each imperfect moment with you.
Only with the blessings of your parents, and if you’ll have me, Tahseen Hassim, will you marry me?”