Maybe One Day

Chapter 39

Amber's Pov

It had been 2 days. I forgot Shaui's birthday. I was really guilty. I wanted to see her but I hurt her. She was hurt, I know. I just hope that she celebrated her birthday with Portia or with her family.

Amber, what do you really feel about Shaui? I thought she is just your fiance and nothing more? You swear you won't love her. You swear it will be just Zhanel and no one else.

I felt really guilty. I wasn't with her in her special day. I should have be with her yesterday. But I wasn't. Because I was busy with another girl.

I felt like I didn't deserve both Shaui and Zhanel. I felt like I was a very bad person. They deserve better.

I looked at my phone, swiping through my gallery. There were a lot of picture of us. We were so happy. It was all my fault that things didn't go as what everyone's expecting to.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip ng gumalaw ang kamay ni Zhanel. I looked at her and she slowly opened her eyes. "Z-zhanel? You're awake.." hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong yakapin siya.

"Dy.."

"En.. I'm glad you're awake." I smiled. Yes, I am glad that she's okay now. But something is missing. I was still really nervous and scared for some reason..

"Zhanel! Jusko, salamat naman at gising ka na!" manang Sally hugged her. "Ay nako sandali, tatawigin ko lang ang nurse! Ay jusko!" she left to call the nurse.

"Dy, d-did Szydle visit me?" nahihirapan niyang sinabi. I shook my head. I knew something was going on between them but I have no time to call him.

"You like him." En loves my brother. I didn't know what to feel. I wasn't jealous at all. It was weird but I felt happy for the both of them.

I still cared for Zhanel. She was still part of me. We had some good times together.

"W-what do you mean? I don't like him.." right, she was still in denial. I smiled and ruffled her hair.

Without hesitation, I called Szydle. He answered and he said he will be here in 20 minutes. I waited until he arrived.

It was already 10:30 pm when Zhanel woke up. Szydle arrived at 10:46.

"What happened? Why didn't you tell me?!" he was mad.

I left him and drove back home, hoping to see Shaui. But she wasn't here. I wanted to look for her but I also wanted to give her time to rest. I was torn between looking for her or respect her.

I thought I still love Zhanel. I was thinking of what I really feel when Zhanel was still unconscious. I care for Zhanel but I don't love her anymore.

But I was guilty, the girl I loved was hurt because of me.

"Why is love so complicated?" I asked myself.

I didn't realized that tears were already dripping down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. I wanted to be with her and apologized. But I was a coward. I was scared to see her. I was scared that she might pushed me away.

The biggest mistake of my life was I thought that I still love Zhanel. I swore to myself that I will only love her. But things started to be confusing when Shaui came. I wasn't aware that I was falling for her because I was confused.

I knew she was falling for me. But I chose to ignore it because at first, I wasn't really planning to marry her, instead, I planned to stop everything because I thought I still love Zhanel.

I didn't know what to do. I was at fault but I knew that I still need comfort so I immediately went to my car. I decided to go to mom's house. This was the time where I knew I needed her the most.

I wiped my tears and fixed myself before getting out of my car. I texted mom that I was outside. When she received that text, she hurriedly opened the door to welcome me but when she saw me with my swollen eyes, her smile dropped.

She didn't say a word. She let me in and hugged me tightly. I cried at her shoulders. This was the first time that I cried in front of her, that I hugged her, that I was devastated in front her, that I felt a mother's love..

"My Amber, mom's here.." she comforted.

"Mom, I have a fiancè, her name is Shaui. I didn't realize that I love her. What should I do, mom? I don't wanna lose her.." I cried harder.

I don't want to lose Shaui. I rather lose everyone than to lose her. And I was late. Saka ko lang nalaman na mahal ko siya. I was so fucking stupid.

I told her everything. Every-single-thing. The moment I saw her, when we live together, when we went out together, our memories on different places and many more. I told her our story.

"Shh, tahan na. I understand, Amber." she wiped my tears and helped me drank the water. I was shaking.

"I don't wanna lose her but I feel like I don't deserve her either." I said.

"Amber, if you love Shaui, 'wag mo nang pakalawan. Bumawi ka sa kaniya. Gawin mo ang lahat mapasaya lang siya." she said slowly.

She looked at the clock. It was 11:00 pm. I haven't eat a single thing. Magne-new year na.

"Are you hungry? Kumain ka muna." I refused. I wanted to look for Shaui now. "Amber, ako naman ang mag-aalala. Sige na, kahit kaunti lang."

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang kumain. At habang kumakain ay si Shaui pa rin ang laman ng utak ko. Iniisip ko kung paano ako magsosorry at babawi sa kaniya, o kung patatawarin niya pa kaya ako?

I doubted that, I hurted her too much. I knew she was hurt because of me. What should I do? Should I call Portia? But she was mad at me. She caught me talking with Zhanel before.

Mom was just looking at me while I was eating when Szydle shown up. He was confused why my eyes was swollen but he didn't ask.

"Oh, you're here.." he said

"Yes, where's Zhanel?" I asked. Like what I said, I still care for her.

"Hospital. She is with her parents now. I'll go there tomorrow." he was mad.

He got a pitcher of water from the fridge, got himself a cup and drank it. "You gonna spend new year with us, brother?"

"No, I'm gonna spend it with Shaui." I answered.

"So, you do love her.." he said. I didn't answer. "Or not..?" I frowned.

"Of course I love her."

"It is nice to see the both of you get along." my mom spoke. I rolled my eyes while Szydle smiled, nagpapabida.

"Of course, mom. Iniintindi ko si kuya kahit may pagkaisip bata." tumawa siya. I glared at him while mom laughed. She knew he was messing with me.

"Ako pa, huh?"

I rolled my eyes. I guess he wasn't that mad at me for not telling him about Zhanel.

After I finished eating, I stood up. I've decided that I need to face her. I have to find her now.

"You're going?" mom asked.

"Yes,"

"Good luck, son. Win her back!" she smiled.

Of course, mom. Ngayon pa, na narealize ko na mahal ko siya. I will do everything to win her back. I have to find her. It's now or never.

:))