"May problema ba tayo?" tanong niyang muli habang inaayos ang hoodie.
Ingat na ingat pa siya at parang ayaw man lang madapuan ang balat ko ng kaniyang mga daliri. I tried not to look at him. Hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko bang tingnan siya.
"Hey..." his voice was hoarse.
"Bakit ba, Tope?" tanong ko habang hindi pa rin siya tinitingnan.
"Do we have a problem? Let's fix it, please," he said softly again.
I sighed heavily. Ano na ang sasabihin ko? Bakit ba kasi nagkita na naman kami rito? Bakit ba lagi na lang kaming pinagtatagpo?
"Wala problema, Tope," I gritted my teeth. I heard his sigh. Perhaps he's tired of asking me about what's happening between us. Maybe he's sick of coming up to me. Or maybe he's already—
"Kahit anong pagtakas o pagpapaalis sa akin, tandaan mo rin sanang hinding-hindi ako mapapagod sa paghahabol sayo."
—Or maybe I was wrong...
I gave him a quick glance, and he caught me. Muli akong nagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga at napahilamos sa aking mukha.
"Did you ever think of me as a friend?" I asked.
We were overcome by silence. I swallowed the lump in my throat. The silence was gradually breaking my heart. The silence was too deafening.
"I grew up with no one to talk to during recess, no one to invite to play in my room, no one to try new things with, all because people always think I'm too much for them. When in reality, I've always felt I'm never enough—"
"Raf..."
Sinubukan kong pigilan ang mga nanginginig kong mga kamay. Mariin ko ring kinagat ang aking labi.
"Meeting you and Marga felt like entering a new world; it was something that made me question my actions, something that kept me wondering every night, something that confused me, but it was also something that made me happy. It made me laugh because of your silly jokes, it made me realize things that I would always hold on to, and it made me feel what it's like to have people beside me whenever I achieve something, even the smallest things."
Sinubukan kong salubungin ang kaniyang mga mata. "Kaya hindi ko maiwasang magtaka kung bakit... Bakit ako? Bakit ako pa ang kinakausap niyo gayong hindi naman ako nagsasalita palagi? Bakit ako pa na wala naman akong kayang ipagmalaki sa inyo? Bakit ako pa na hindi alam kung paano magkaroon ng kaibigan? Bakit ako?"
Hindi ko mabasa ang kaniyang mata. Masyado iyong magulo para sa akin. Parang ang lalim at hindi na ako makakatakas sa pagkakataong mahuhulog man ako sa mga iyon.
"Ikaw dahil... ikaw."
My lips parted.
"You might not be as talkative, loud, crazy, or outgoing like others..."
Umihip ng maharan ang hangin.
"But I'll always choose you because you're you; you've never faked your smiles, laugh, words, or anything else about yourself. Pinili kita, pinipili kita, at pipiliin pa rin kita, Raf."
His lips formed a smile. I can't think of anything to say. Hindi ko akalaing iyon ang itutugon niya sa akin.
"Kaya kung naguguluhan ka man, pasensya na. Gusto kong sabihin sa iyo na kaibigan kita, Raf. Hindi kita bibiguin."
-
Monday arrived when I awoke to find Mom picking clothes from my closet. Kaagad ko siyang binati at tinanguan niya lang ako. "Ano po ba ang hinahanap niyo?" I asked her.
BINABASA MO ANG
Secret Secret (Dès Vu Series #1)
Genel Kurgu(NO PORTRAYER INTENDED) "Fallen shoulders and soaking clothes, even the blasting music sounds quiet to me. I let my frustrated voices out hoping that they'd be washed away in the rain..."
