~Christian POV~
I got home after my time with Rome and my sister dragged me by the arm to her bedroom as soon as I got inside of the house. I knew she was about to bombard me with questions so I braced myself to try to be as honest as possible with her.
"Christian." She called out and I knew that was her way of telling me to start talking. "I don't know what you want me to say Iyanna."
"Is that him?" She smiled hoping it would be contagious enough to spread onto my face. "Yes. We are just friends though, I promise." I answered truthfully because we really weren't anything but friends.
"Christian, I don't want you to reminisce on anything that I have to say, but I don't want you to pass what happened between you and your ex onto him. I want to just make sure that you are okay?" Iyanna fiddled with her fingers as if asking that would get a rise out of me.
It would, but I know it's just a innocent question. She does want the best for me and she only knows half of what happened between my ex and I. I was never able to tell her everything because she's going to think the inevitable. The worst she might think is that I'm unable to be saved by God because of it. I think that too but it would hurt worse if it came from her. "I'm okay, I promise Iyanna. Don't worry about me." I forced a smile and swallowed the egg sized lump that formed in my throat.
I do like Rome. I don't want him to be like my ex though. I am hoping he isn't since he gives off the persona that he is that church boy who follows rules. I've never dated a church boy now that I think about it. A real church boy. He could be playing the God is good part though and then later on show his true colors. This can all be a act. When did I even start liking Rome?
I got up and left her room to finish up some assignments that had to get done which were due tomorrow for school. I had math and Bible which I suck terribly at it, but I spent the last 2 hours learning the topic of trigonometry and finally understood what I was doing. I knew I could've called Rome and asked for help but I didn't want to be a bother and I can just use YouTube.
For Bible, I was given this essay to write. It was on the topic "Why do we think that after something bad happens, we separate from God?" I wanted to throw the paper away because there's no way this isn't directed at me. I know it wasn't but it just related too much to myself.
I grabbed my pen and began to write how I feel about the subject.
-Everyone struggles with different problems in life. Some talk about it, others don't. It is not the best thing to bottle it up, but some people have no one to talk to. I have heard people say to just pray, but who are we praying to? We don't feel God, We cant hear God and We can't see God. It is all based on faith that people just may not have. When we throw in the towel and something bad takes place, example our father gets sick, we immediately start turning to God. If they had died from it, we blame God. Why? We blame Him because we prayed and asked HIM to save him, but did he? No. He let him die. He let him suffer and he let him drop six feet under ground. In answering the question on why we turn away from God when something bad happens... we do it because we lose faith in Him. He didn't answer our prayer and it hurt us. It discouraged us in believing in Him. We believe that we are speaking to a ghost. It's as if I'm speaking to a wall because I don't ever get a reply back. Once something bad happens, our faith decreases and we lessen in knowledge, if we don't hear God, we won't be able to feel God and if we don't feel God, we don't know God.-
I ended my essay there and took a large exhale from the breath I was unconsciously holding. I placed my pen down and placed my essay in my bag.
I got up and gathered my painting equipment having the need to express the emotions through art because I have a harder time expressing it through words. I paint when I feel an obscure of emotions and that essay alone brought back a lot of memories that I wish to keep stuffed in the back of my brain.
I paint what I feel, what I see and what I hear. It's a bottle of emotions that I crowd together that makes the painting come alive. I try to pick at every detail inside my brain to get the image I want. To inspire what I want it to be. Right now, I felt confused.
I picked up the paintbrush and made exquisite brush strokes against the blank canvas. The color red adding to the definition of how I feel. The black that made the painting outline come alive and the yellow, orange, brown and pink that added to the realness of the image that I had displayed in my head.
I painted Rome. There was a figure behind him that was pulling him back. Telling him to run away. To turn the other way because what is in front of him is no good for him. To let go and search. He needed to get away from it.
From what?
Me.
