yours.

[23] Miles

Harry Potter Top 10-- Swipe.

Surprising my girlfriend with-- Swipe.

Storytime! Swipe.

Then, lingering for a second, I swipe back to the previous video. 

Storytime! the caption reads. The day I finally realized I'm gay...

I watch the whole video once, then twice, and I'm about to watch it a third time when the door to my room swings open, and Chelsea bounds in.

"Hey, ever heard of knocking--"

"You need to stop stealing Lesley's stuff," she says, sinking to sit on the floor beside me. She leans back against my bed, craning her neck to see the screen of my phone. "What are you watching?"

I click out of the social app before she can see the video. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh." She squints out of my window as clouds pass and early-morning sun spills into my room. "But seriously, you can't just keep taking things. It's starting to freak her out."

"I was planning to use the bear as ransom."

"For what?"

I grin. "Her gummy worms."

"What -- no, Miles!" she gasps. "She loves those things--"

"Yeah, but she doesn't need them. I need them."

She rolls her eyes. "No, you don't."

"She likes the crunchy stuff, anyway. The pretzels, the rock candy..."

"People don't always fit into rigid boxes like that," she says, nudging my arm. "Take me, for example. I like--"

"Water," I sigh, leaning my head back against my comforter.

"Sparkling water," she amends grudgingly. "But that's... not important. I just..." She trails off, unsure how to continue. "Don't steal Lesley's stuff, okay? Even if you want her snacks."

"Sure. Whatever." A part of me wants Chelsea to leave me alone so I can go back to scrolling through my phone. But another, sadder part of me wants her to stay, if only for the company. And surprisingly, she does stay.

She stretches her legs out in front of her, flexing her toes. "Your friend seems nice," she says casually. "The one who came over yesterday."

I pretend not to understand. "Who, Ray?"

She rolls her eyes, droning, "The other one. The one with the dark hair and the hoodie."

"Oh, Jasper. Yeah. He's cool." I have to hope my voice doesn't reveal my true, wildly confusing feelings about him. My eyes slide to my sister. "Wait, how do you like him? He only said, like, three words to you." Then it hits me. "Oh, it's because he took your side, isn't it? Because he told you where I hid Mr. Snuggles."

"That may be... a part of it..." I shove against her shoulder, and she yelps, laughing. "No, but he actually seems really nice. Why haven't I met him before?"

Oh, like she knows every one of my friends. "He moved in next door a couple of weeks ago. We've been hanging out since."

Her gray eyes light up, and she hits my arm, suggesting, "You should bring him with us to the carnival!" When I start to groan, she cuts me off with a glare. "Mom already said we're going. You could at least want to have a friend with you."

I consider the idea. "I guess it wouldn't hurt." And it'll give me another opportunity to... figure some stuff out.

"Yes," she agrees. There's a long silence. Finally, Chelsea climbs to her feet. "All right, I can tell you want me to go, so I will. But just remember what I said, okay?"

I have no idea what she's talking about, but I make no move to call her back. She slips out of my room quietly, and I return to my phone like she was never even here. I want to go back to that video, the one I was watching on repeat before Chelsea came in, but before I can even open the right app, I drop my phone back onto my lap in defeat. Watching someone else's story won't help me work through mine.

Without something to distract it, my brain wanders back to that... moment yesterday. When my gaze caught on Jasper and didn't, couldn't come free until Chelsea barged in.

What was that? I ask myself for the millionth time. And for the millionth time, I have no answer.

I glance over at my trophy shelves where we stood. Those shelves have been there for years, and I've never really thought much about them, not unless I had a new award to add to the collection. But somehow, Jasper's mild interest in them was enough to send me all the way back to eighth grade, when soccer was my whole life and winning a tournament felt like everything in my life coming together -- no stresses or cares, just a shiny gold medal in my hand.

And Jasper's presence not only reminded me of a past time when I felt so purely happy, but also made me realize that's how I've felt these past few weeks... with him.

My cheeks go hot as I run a hand through my hair. But... it doesn't make any sense. I've never felt this way with a guy-- My fingers freeze, tangled in the strands above my ear. I've never felt this way with anyone before.

Scrambling frantically to my feet, I try to come up with an explanation for my feelings, but the word friend doesn't seem to stick anymore.

Now, inexplicably, crush is the only one I can see.