yours.

[35] Miles

Our "talk" is mostly Jasper looking at me like he wants to say something while I try to stay focused on the road and not hit any cars. Eventually, we arrive at the store without having said a word, and I put my car in park, glancing over at Jasper. I wait.

"I... um."

"You said you want to talk. So talk." I don't mean to sound so rude, but I do.

Jasper's gaze drops to his lap. "Are you angry with me?" he asks quietly.

"No. Not really." His shoulders tense, and I add, "Kind of?"

"I'm so sorry," he restarts, his voice still low. "I'm sorry for leaving. I wasn't... I didn't--"

"Can we continue this inside?" I cut him off. Stop it, I tell myself, but the words don't stick. "I really should start getting the food."

Jasper nods, and we make it all the way to the dairy aisle before he starts talking. "I really do like you, Miles," he says, watching me pick a gallon of milk from a refrigerated shelf and adding it to our -- no, my -- cart. "I like spending time with you. A lot. You know this. I just... I'm not in a great... state of mind for anything more than that. I'm not ready for a relationship." His words sound unnatural, like he's forcing himself to say them. "I only just realized that, but if I'd have known sooner, I would have told you."

"You did," I tell him, thinking back to his sudden escape from my room yesterday. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. "You made that very clear."

He glances away, slightly pained, and it's then that his fear registers with me. He wraps his arms around himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so..." Oh.

I abandon my cart to step over to him and hug him, burying his face in my shoulder. After a second of hesitation, he hugs me back. "No, I'm sorry," I sigh, pulling him closer to me. "I shouldn't have been so upset with you. You're going through something, I get it. You don't have to share it with me."

He pulls away just enough to meet my eye. "But I should. I... I want to be open with you, Miles." I know the feeling. "I just... need more time. But I don't want to stop hanging out with you. And I don't want to stop kissing you."

"That's a relief," I joke, and he tucks his head back against my shoulder. "I don't want to stop seeing you, either. And I understand not wanting to make this official -- I'm actually really okay with that -- but you can't keep running from me. It's driving me crazy." You drive me crazy.

"Okay," he says, his words muffled against the cotton of my shirt. Then, again, "Okay."

"So you'll stay?"

"I'll stay."

I smile. "And if something's going on--"

"I'll tell you."

"No, you don't--"

His arms tighten around me. "I'll tell you," he repeats firmly. "I really want to be honest with you, Miles. Because I may not be ready for anything big right now, but when I am... I want it to be you."

I want to say there's no pressure, that he doesn't have to tell me anything personal if he doesn't want to... but I can't. Not to something like that.

So instead, I dip my head to kiss the top of his, murmuring to him, "You're... that's incredible. Thank you." Another kiss. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I'm definitely not ready to jump into another relationship for... numerous reasons, ones very different than Jasper's, I'm sure, but in time, I can see myself with him, too. I can only see myself with him.

Then a gray-haired man with a cane enters our aisle, and we part, grinning at each other. "Ready to shop?" Jasper asks me, glancing toward our cart.

I take his hand with my right one and the cart with my left, and together, we continue around the store, collecting items from a shopping list I may or may not have completely made up.