yours.

[27] Miles

Jasper comes so close to smiling, and I want more than anything to finally see him go through with it. So, I stay honest, like I decided I want to be, and open up to him. "But yeah, my dad used to bring us here, actually." I watch as we pass a face-painting station. "Want to get some paint?" I ask Jasper jokingly. "They can make you look like a tiger, or a butterfly--"

"Why doesn't he bring you here anymore?" he asks, and I'm surprised to see he's watching me, interested. "What happened?"

"He, uh..." I look away, dreading speaking the truth I've been avoiding for so long. "He left us. About six years ago, now. He just..." I wince as the memory resurfaces. "He just packed up his stuff one day and left. I always thought he'd come back, but... he didn't, obviously. Chelsea said there was someone else -- another woman -- in the picture, but I didn't believe her." I sneak a glance at Jasper, whose gaze has turned sad. "But it's not a big deal," I rush to add. "I got over it. And maybe things are better this way."

"Do you ever wish he was back?" Jasper asks me softly after a moment. "Like... he'd never left at all?"

I shrug, but I know the question carries more weight than I'd like to admit. "Sometimes. But my mom and sisters are enough." Jasper starts to respond, but some man passing by rams into him, and he stumbles off-balance, careening into me. My hands instantly reach out to catch him, wrapping firmly around his biceps as I glare at the man who ran into him. "Hey, watch it," I call, but he doesn't turn around. I stare down at the back of Jasper's head. "You okay?" I murmur, finally registering how close he is. I can smell his shampoo, something sweet and a little bit fruity--

Instead of answering, he forges on, and I have no choice but to follow. He leads me to a food station and reads their menu. "Can I get a Coke?" he asks me.

I shake my head sadly. "You can have a Pepsi."

His look turns disgusted. "You're one of those?" When I smile, he turns back to face the woman behind the station's counter. "Can I have a Coke, please?"

I step up behind him, meeting her eye over Jasper's head. I haven't realized how short he really is until now. "He means a Pepsi."

"No, I mean a Coke."

The woman chuckles, grabbing a cup to fill it with soda. "Lucky for you, we only have Coke." Jasper looks back at me, satisfied, as I groan.

I pay with some of my pocket bills, and Jasper takes his drink gratefully. We continue along our path, Jasper's small sips filling the easy silence between us. His eyes close after almost every sip as he revels in the sweetness of the drink, and I find myself reaching a hand out to him.

"Can I try?" My question surprises me, and my hand falters.

Jasper studies his drink and the straw -- the one straw -- rising from it before releasing a short breath and passing the cup into my grip. "Sure," he says, though his voice is strained.

I hesitate to take it from him. "I mean, if you don't want me to--"

"I said, sure." He pokes my arm, and I realize it's the first time he's made intentional physical contact with me. The simple thought is enough to bring a grin to my face. "And besides, you need it. Maybe it'll remind you of why Coke is superior."

Quickly, I drink from his straw. I hate to admit it, but he's right -- the soda does taste good. Its sugar reserves rush up to flood my brain, and I can't help but take another sip. And yeah, his spit is on the straw, but... I don't mind it.

When I hand the cup back, Jasper takes only a moment before sipping from the straw again. And for some reason, it feels like progress. Toward what, I don't know, but hopefully something... very much worth the wait.

* * *

Ten minutes later, after I make Jasper try funnel cake and Dippin' Dots -- both he deems "disturbing" -- he's acting grouchy, but I can tell he's having a good time.

"What time is it? Is it almost nine-thirty?"

I check my phone. "eight forty-eight," I answer, checking my phone. I lay an arm across his shoulders as we continue on around the park. "We've still got time."

He groans, but I can feel him relaxing, leaning into my touch. "How is this place so massive? The lot did not look this big from the beach."

I think of the day he's referencing with a smile. "They can cram a lot into this space." Jasper responds in a mumble, but one green-haired carny to our left catches my attention. They advertise magic and wonder and spectacle at their game booth with big gestures and fancy words, and before I know it, I'm guiding Jasper over to them.

He trails off midsentence, watching me curiously. "What's going on?" Then he notices the booth too and learns the answer himself.

"Come on up, we've got it all, we make dreams come true--" The carny registers our arrival, taking in my arm around Jasper. "Ah, I see we've got a nice couple right here." They scurry behind the counter of their game as Jasper tenses beside me.

My arm slips from his shoulder in a moment of panic. "Oh, uh, we're not..." I try to explain. "We're not a couple--"

"A couple of friends, then?" they throw a knowing glance in my direction, pushing wire-rimmed glasses up a narrow nose. When I don't respond, they smile, gesturing to the dozens of inflated balloons pinned to the wall behind them. "Want to play? Glorious prizes awat." 

I glance at Jasper, who shrugs, saying, "It's free, why not."

"Delicious," the worker replies, showing all of their teeth in a crooked grin. "Now all you have to do," they say slowly, "is pop a balloon with one of these darts." They lift a set of three metal, flat-tipped darts.

"They're dull," Jasper remarks.

"Therein lies the challenge!" the carnival worker exclaims, a manic glint lighting their eyes. "Not for the faint of heart. Who would like to try?" They hover the darts between Jasper and me. "Three tries only."

Jasper eyes the stuffed animals lining the ballon-covered wall. He reaches out to squeeze my forearm, and the act sends a welcome bolt of shock up my arm. "Win me a teddy bear," he mutters to me.

I nod at the worker. "I'll try."