yours.

[37] Miles

Jasper and I continue like this, in our careful little in-between -- more than "friends" but not quite boyfriends -- for long weeks showered in sun and rain and laughter. We see each other almost every day, with me arriving to pick him up in the morning and returning him home just before sunset.

We manage to maintain our boundaries -- I skirt around topics of his home life, and in return, he avoids asking about my life and relationship with my father. And even though it gets frustrating sometimes, we both know it's necessary. We have too much to lose as it is.

And though we both try not to think of it, we know there are things we aren't telling each other. Big things.

Today, a sunny Thursday afternoon about halfway through the summer, Jasper and I are seated on the hood of my car, which I parked on a grassy overlook just offroad on one of our town's highest hills, ten minutes from home. Jasper looks out over the city with an unusually peaceful look. His hands stroke the fur of the cat on his lap, who wriggles on his legs, unable to get comfortable.

"I don't know why you insisted on bringing her with us," I say, watching him. "She doesn't like being so far from home."

Jasper readjusts her little body, pulling her closer to him. "I know," he sighs, "I just... I don't know, I feel bad, leaving her home while we go out all the time. It doesn't seem fair."

"She's a cat, Jas--" The wounded look he shoots me is enough to stop me short. "I... You know I didn't mean it like that." I draw him toward me with a hand against his hip, and he winces a little. "You okay?" I ask. He nods, but I can tell he's still in pain. He's been walking with a slight limp today, and I didn't think much of it when he told me he tripped into a table at home. But I can't help but wonder if there's another source of his pain.

"Anyway, take it back."

I look down at him and he leans in to me, resting his head on my shoulder. "Take what back?"

"Bellie is not just a cat. She's a princess. She's a queen. And she should be treated as such."

"Oh, I'm sorry." I give Maybelle a rub behind her ears, and she writhes free of Jasper's grasp. "Your Majesty, so sorry if I've offended you. My deepest apologies." Jasper lifts his head to stare at me. "What? Was that not enough?"

"No, nothing, just..." He studies my face, and I feel my nerves spike at the attention. "You're... cool."

I kiss his forehead, and he lays his head back on my shoulder. Maybelle leaps from his lap to the grass beside our gravel path, looking back at us and hissing. "Maybelle!" I gasp, and Jasper hits my arm. "Your Highness!" I amend.

"See, she's finally putting us peasants in our place."

"Finally," I agree, then watch Maybelle find a nice spot to lie in the grass. She watches us with slitted eyes, wary of our every movement. Eventually, she goes to sleep, and Jasper and I entertain ourselves by watching the skyline. "This is nice," I say to him.

"It is."

The sky's already turning the signature pink of evening, and lights on the buildings below are beginning to turn on, giving the entire area a kind of urban glow. The city at night has always been one of my favorite sights, and I'm excited to share it with Jasper, one of my... other favorite sights.

"How did you find this place?" he asks, turning his face up to see me.

I think about the day with a smile. "Two years ago, I was kind of upset--"

"About what?"

A breakup. "Doesn't matter. So that day, I just started driving, and I didn't stop until I was all the way out here. I thought the gravel roads were some sort of a red flag, but I didn't care. I drove all the way up here, and then I found this place, and... Well, I thought the view was nice. Helped to clear my head and let me move on from... everything happening. And sometimes I like to come here when I'm sad, or overwhelmed, or... yeah. So." I wait for a response. When the only one I get is a low sigh, I tense. It's always tough, opening up to Jasper -- and knowing he can easily reject me with as little as a snort or an eye roll. But he rarely does, and that makes me grateful.