yours.

[45] Miles

It's fine. It's fine. You're fine.

The fact that I have to work myself up to knock on Jasper's door the next day is my first warning that I should have just stayed at home. The second is the appearance of Jasper's mom at the door, instead of Jasper himself.

"Hello," she says to me, her eyes searching my face like she's trying to remember where she's seen me before. I pray she doesn't remember our encounter at the store yesterday. Why she wouldn't, I have no idea. "Can I... help you?"

"Yeah, I'm here for Jasper."

Her gaze drifts from my hair to my shirt, pausing briefly on my nose and cheeks -- my freckles, I guess. "He's in his room," she says softly, stepping back to let me in. "He hasn't come out of there yet today."

I thank her and rush up the main staircase to the second floor, then start to the right, hoping I've guessed correctly. When I hear soft sniffles coming from the door on my right, I push through, my heart already sinking.

"Jas?"

Jasper jumps up from his bed, his brown eyes widening as he recognizes me. "You cant -- why are you... You have to stop breaking into my house," he finally manages. He wipes a sleeve across his nose, and I realize he's wearing the same blue hoodie as yesterday. Looking closer, I can see a faint redness in his eyes, as well as small bags under them.

"I didn't, your mom--"

He lets out a soft, uncontrolled sob, and I make my way over to him. He doesn't bother pushing me away this time, he just wraps his arms around himself and lets me pull him to my chest. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.

"For what?"

"I ruined everything yesterday. With the... the kiss, and the--"

"Shh," I tell him, squeezing his middle. He hiccups a little. "Shh. It's okay. You're okay. You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I--"

"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing." I set my chin on top of Jasper's head and let my eyes shut as I remember last night, when I barely slept at all, unable to stop thinking about how poorly I treated Jasper in the car yesterday. I should have stopped pushing my questions about his father, or kissed him back, or told him I loved him, too... even if I didn't know it for sure. All that and more, I could have done to fix things between us. But no, I had to distance myself -- in fear of what, I don't even know -- like an idiot. And I left him crying. Again.

"Please don't," Jasper whispers, his words falling somewhere below my collarbone. "It's my fault everything went wrong, okay? Let me take the blame."

I kiss his hair lightly. "No." He tries to pull away, but I keep him close to me. "I should have told you this before, but I literally do not care how much you try to make me hate you. It won't work."

"I don't..."

"Which means," I continue, "I won't let you take the blame for anything, even if it happens to be your fault. Not that what happened yesterday is your fault, because it's not. It's mine. If I'd just--"

"Well, I don't think it's your fault," Jasper retorts, finally looking up at me. "I should have--"

"Okay, no," I cut in, laughing despite everything. "Why don't we just... We'll say it was my fault, and--"

"But it wasn't."

I wipe away the tears staining his face, and he blinks rapidly, surprised by the touch. "Fine. Let's just say we were both at fault and... move on. Okay?" He nods. "Great. Now come on, I have somewhere I want to take you."