yours.

[31] Miles

"So... that Jasper." Chelsea slides toward me in her seat, her gray eyes slitted.

I take another bite of my cereal, my eyes fixed on my phone in my left hand. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"It's nine A.M.--"

"What about your internship?" I cut in, scrolling through posts of people I haven't talked to in months. I have to hope my act is working, that Chelsea doesn't guess my true intentions. "When does that start?"

She sits back, fighting a grin. "Next week."

"You're really that excited to sit and watch old men use computers?"

"Th-that's not even what the internship is, but okay," she laughs, and I relax, feeling the conversation drift away from the topic of Jasper. "I'm going to be working with managers and advertisers, not just the IT staffers." When I only nod, switching apps, she lifts an eyebrow and adds, "Enough about me, though. Did you and Jasper have a good time last night?"

I drop my phone on the table. "Why do you care?" I snap, defensive. "He's my friend who lives next door. That's it. Not very interesting."

She chews her lip, eyeing me. "Hm."

I rise from the table and dump the rest of my cereal into the sink. I wait until my cheeks stop burning, ashamed of the lies I'm telling, to turn back around and tell Chelsea, "That's it."

"See, your adamance about this makes me think otherwise."

I make a frustrated sound. "Chels, let it go." I know I'm just shooting myself in the foot, making such a big deal about this, but I'm really not ready to tell Chelsea -- or anyone, really -- what happened between me and Jasper last night. I don't know if I ever will. "Please?" I add as an afterthought.

"Okay." She holds up her hands in surrender. "Sure, whatever." I pocket my phone and start to leave the kitchen, but Chelsea calls me back. "Oh, and Lesley says to thank Jasper for Señorita Something, as well. She really loves her."

I agree to tell him, then make my way up to my room, where I turn on my monitor and slouch into my chair. I make it through a few matches in Strike Brawl before I start a losing streak, my mind too distracted to really perform well. Because no matter how hard I try, I can't get my mind off Jasper.

And now that I've started to actually think about him, I can't stop. I set my charger on my desk and change tabs on my monitor, trying to see if anyone else is online. I usually prefer to play by myself -- better for concentration -- but since that's clearly not working right now, maybe my faceless friends will be a good distraction for me.

It seems like a few of them are on a call in one of our group DMs, and I click to join, turning on my headset's mic.

"Miles!" Graham's low voice greets me. "You're here."

"I am." I lean back in my chair. "What's going on?"

It's Manticore, one of the only girls in the DM, who responds. "We're playing Dominion Siege 3 right now. Wanna join?"

I load up the game and join our server. "Sure, why not." I watch as the loading display develops from a blank screen to the remnants of a rebel hideout, where the rest of my team is hiding. I pan my screen, confused. "I thought we already made it to the castle."

"Oh yeah, we started a new game," Graham tells me. "Because someone decided to be an idiot and rush one of the guards without asking for backup."

"It seemed easy," Paxton defends, their voice quiet. "How was I supposed to know there were cannons?"

"It's a fortress, Pax," Graham groans. "Of course there were cannons."

I laugh at my friends and begin to steal from their supply reserve as Manticore pipes up, asking me, "So, Miles, how have you been? We haven't heard from you in, like, a month."

I frown, realizing just how much I've been distancing myself from my friends this summer. Swallowing my guilt, I reply, "Nothing much." A lie. "Just... dealing with my sisters. And stuff." "Stuff" being gaining feelings for my neighbor, who happens to be a boy, not a girl, of course. But I can't tell them the truth, either. Even though I'm sure they'd all be happy for me, telling them makes it all so real. And also public, not something kept between Jasper and me.

"Well, you should definitely join us more oft--" A round of gunshots from outside the base cuts Manti's words short. "Move, move," she orders, and we rush from the base to find ourselves surrounded by enemies. She curses. "Graham! I told you we should have evacuated like an hour ago!"

"And I agreed with you like an hour ago!" The call falls silent. Then, together, Manti and Graham growl, "Paxton."

We release our bullets into the enemy ranks as Paxton tries to defend themself, but it's all futile. We all die, and Paxton remains the target of our teammates' blame, taking accusations with just a few grumbles. Eventually I relax, sinking into the familiarity of the call. "Someone start a new game. Maybe with me here, we'll finally reach the factory, at least."

"Miles, you know they like blaming you more than they like blaming me," Paxton reminds me, to which I shrug. "If we die, they'll never let you hear the end of it."

The arguing continues as we play on for hours, and hours... And hours. 

It's always easy to lose track of time when you're so hyper-fixated on something, and gaming is no different. So, when I finally have the sense to glance at the clock, I immediately rocket from my chair, sending it rolling across the floor. "I... um, I have to go," I say, just a little bit too loudly. "Stuff to do." Oh no, oh no, oh no.

"What's the rush?" Graham asks through what sounds like clenched teeth. "We're just getting started."

I sign out of the game, causing a wave of disappointed cries to rise from my headset. "We can talk tomorrow, yeah? But I can't right now. I'm sorry. Bye." I click out of the call and rush downstairs, nearly tripping off the last one. I pass my mom in the house's entryway.

She tries to stop me. "Oh, Miles, I was about to come talk to you. Someone at work mentioned this great job opportunity I think could be perfect for you--"

I hastily pull on my shoes, leaning on the front door's handle for balance. "Yeah, okay, Mom. Can we talk later? I need... to--" I slip out of the doorway, leaving my mom behind in shocked silence. But I can't think about that now, not when I've kept Jasper waiting for nearly an hour at this point. And one day after I kissed him? He's going to think I ran away. He's going to think I don't care, when I do. I really, really do.