yours.

[43] Miles

"There's just... there's so much."

I watch, entertained, as Jasper stares wide-eyed at the grocery store's candy aisle. He wanders around like a child, inspecting ingredient lists and nutrition labels every so often and turning over packets of candy in his hands. But everything he picks up, he soon returns to its rightful spot on the wall.

After a while, I come to stand behind him, wrapping my arms around his middle and resting my head on top of his. "Have you never had sugar before?" I ask jokingly.

"Mm... sure." I feel his words rumble against my chest. "We don't have many sweets at home." My grip on him tightens as he browses the chocolate section, then plucks a bag of M&M's from its box. "I think I had these as a child." He goes quiet for a second. "I shared a bag with Max once. He got sick, but I liked them."

I listen, hoping he'll share more about his brother with me, but he doesn't. He just sets the chocolates back, resigned.

He reaches for a bag higher up, but his fingers come just short of it. I grin down at him and wait for him to ask for help. "Miles," he mumbles.

"Yes?"

"Can you..." He gestures to the bag. "Can you... you know."

"Sorry, I don't understand."

"Get it," he snaps. "Can you get the bag?"

"Oh, that? Of course." I don't have to reach far to grab it. Then I hand it to him like a prize. "There you go."

He reads over the words printed on it -- Nerds, now in fifteen different flavors! -- and gives it back to me. "Okay," he says, disinterested, and I hang it back up.

As he searches the section of the aisle in front of us, I hold him tight, thinking back to our... passionate kiss in his parents' bathroom. There, I promised him I'd do anything, buy anything for him to make up for everything I've put him through over these past few days, with the secrets and the... tears. 

"Candy," he whispered against my mouth. "I want candy."

"Candy," I repeated, nodding as my fingers twined deeper into his hair. "I can do that."

"You better."

And now, fifteen minutes later, he still hasn't found a candy that satisfies him. He picks through the rest of the chocolate section, then moves to the gummy area. I can feel my heart rate picking up as his gaze drifts closer to my favorite brand of gummy rings. Please pick them up, I silently beg him. Please choose them, please, Jas--

"What's this?" My eyes widen as he lifts the gummy rings from their hook.

Thrilled, I step away from him and take the rings, waving them at him. "These are only the single-best snacks on the market. They're sweet, they're sour, they're salty, they're gooey--"

Jasper frowns. "That sounds disgusting."

My heart sinks. "They're not, I swear."

"Oh," he says, staring harder at the bag in my hands. "That's what those are." When my look turns confused, he explains, "The wrappers stacked behind your bed in the corner of your room, where you think no one will see them. Yeah, I've noticed them. You're not a good... hider, Miles."

I grin. Of course he's seen them. "No, you're just a good finder." He rolls his eyes at my words, and I shake the bag again. "So. Gummy rings. Delicious, not disgusting." I rip open the bag, and Jasper's expression quickly morphs from mildly annoyed to horrified.

"Miles!" he hisses. "You haven't paid for those yet."

I wave him off. "It's fine, I will. And besides, they only arrest you if you eat three rings before paying, so we'll just eat two." He turns and starts walking away, and I jump to take his arm, laughing. He winces at the contact, shaking my hand from his forearm. I choose not to question it. "Kidding! Jas, I'm just kidding. It's a joke -- no, come here. We're not going to get arrested, okay? I won't let them get you."

A look of appreciation crosses his gaze, so quickly I nearly miss it. "Okay, fine. Fine."

"Good." I fish a ring out of the bag and hold it up near his mouth. When he lifts a hand to take it, I move it away. He lowers his hand, and I move the ring toward him again.

"Stop it," he snaps, reaching up to take the ring again. I pull it away. "Stop it! Miles, are you... are you trying to feed me right now?"

"No, I am feeding you. Now open up." He glares at me for a second before relenting, opening his mouth a sliver. The word adorable comes to mind, and I can't disagree. "Okay, here." I feed the ring into his mouth, and he bites off a piece. 

I watch him chew, his expression shifting from neutral to confused to disgusted and finally to intrigued before he swallows, demanding, "Give me another one."

I laugh. "You like it?"

"Just... give me another one."

I do, and this one spurs fewer emotions from him -- this time, just satisfaction. "You're so cute when you chew."

He shoves a playful hand against my chest. "Shut up." But I hook an arm around his waist, pulling him closer to me.

"Your breath smells like gummy rings," I tell him, lightly kissing the corner of his mouth. "Two of my favorite things."

Jasper moves to kiss me, then pauses. "Gummy rings and my breath?"

My mistake stops me short, too. "I... um, no. I meant gummy rings and you."

He relaxes against me, smiling softly. "I was about to say. First my feet, and now my breath?" Then he frowns a little and adds, "But I still don't like being ranked next to a chewy candy."

"And how do you know you're not a chewy candy to me?" It doesn't make much sense, but it's enough to make him blush. I press my lips to his, the bag of gummy rings crinkling in my hand as I curl it into a fist and brace it against Jasper's back. "Seems... pretty chewy... to me," I say between kisses.

Jasper groans, kissing me harder. After a moment, he pulls away, breathing hard. "But we... um, we should probably pay for the--"

"Jasper?"

A voice, light and accented and so horribly familiar, rings out from somewhere beside us. Jasper turns, terrified, to face the woman near us in the aisle. "Hi, Mum," he says weakly.

I stare at her, confused, as her dark gaze finds Jasper's. I knew she left her house, but I had no idea she'd come here.

"Why did... Did you just kiss him?" she asks her son, her eyes cloudy. "Did you just kiss that boy?"

Jasper looks to me for help, but all I can do is shrug, concerned. "I... Well." He struggles for words, and I reach for him. He pushes me away and walks over to his mother instead. "Please don't tell Dad," he pleads, his tone hushed. "If he finds out..." His left hand gravitates toward his right forearm before curling sharply into a fist. "You know what he'll do. Please."

I stand by, dread settling in my gut. He does hurt him. I've known it all this time, but I've been too scared to ask him about it, knowing a question like that would cross the line between casual and official that we've worked so hard to avoid. But now, hearing that simple confirmation is all I need to know for sure. Jasper isn't safe, and I need to make sure he is.

Jasper's worried gaze drills into his mother's, and she watches him blankly, her hands gripping her empty shopping basket, for a few long seconds before wandering off and turning into a different aisle.

Jasper releases a loud, trembling sigh, and I move to comfort him. "Don't," he warns, but I hug him anyway. "You really are stubborn."

"Persistent."

He looks up at me. "Do you think she'll tell him?" he asks quietly.

You'd know better than I would. "Of course she won't," I assure him. "She loves you, doesn't she? She'll want to protect you." But I don't know either of his parents well enough to say for sure.

And that -- despite all my defensive instincts -- scares me.