yours.

[29] Miles

Now I only have five dollars left in my pocket, but Jasper doesn't need to know that.

The time creeps closer to nine-thirty, and Jasper and I creep closer to the end of the park's trail. I can't help but feel a strong urge itching at the back of my mind, returning every time we meet eyes. There's one thing I want to do -- or try to do, at least -- before we have to go back home and risk returning to how things were... before.

I glance down at Jasper, then our linked hands. I have to wait for the perfect moment.

Getting used to our new, strange kind of normal -- the hand-holding, the gentle touches, the weighty looks -- was surprisingly easy for me, and I have to wonder how long I've really felt this way for Jasper. How long I've seen him as more than a friend.

Suddenly, Jasper's hand slips from mine, drawing me out of my thoughts. Alarmed, I watch him walk over to an exposed guardrail marking the edge of the carnival. He grips its edge, gazing out at the beach beyond. I follow him over there, bracing a hand against the metal rail.

"It's so pretty," he observes, and I take my time memorizing every detail of his profile.

You're so pretty, I want to say, but I'm scared it may be too soon. So, I settle for edging my left hand toward his right until my fingers overlap his. He looks up at me, the red of the sunset in front of us reflected in his dark eyes. Slowly, he turns to me, his hip pressed to the rail. I mirror him, and our united hands slip into the warm air between us.

"You're staring," he tells me, his voice low with thinning restraint. And this time, I don't look away.

"I know."

His eyes widen, and he swallows, staring into the neon lights of the carnival to his right. His gaze drifts until it lands on something in the sky, and I see a flicker of excitement flit through it. And in that moment, when he looks so happy, so openly vulnerable, I know: It's now.

Now's the perfect moment.

At the same time, Jasper says "I want to ride the wheel," and I murmur, my head dipping dangerously to his ear, "I kind of want to kiss you right now."

Jasper's hand tightens in mine as his head whips to face me. "You... what?"

Doubt worms its way into my mind. "Is that... weird?"

His head shakes slowly, his eyes locked on mine. "No," he whispers.

Gathering courage from the countless moments of longing and admiration I've felt for him sprinkled within the past two weeks of our time together, I lift my free hand to his cheek, ducking my head to press my lips softly against his temple. My chest flattens against his, and I can feel the erratic fluttering of his heart caged inside. "Is this okay?" I ask.

"Yes." His eyes drift closed.

My lips trail down to the soft, exposed skin of his cheek. "What about..." I kiss him there.

I hear him inhale sharply. "Mm-hmm," he confirms.

My lips land next on the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flutter back open, his fingers going loose in mine. "And that?" I say softly, fearing I've gone too far, too fast. I expect him to pull away, to tell me off for assuming--

His stuffed animals fall from his grasp, and he grabs a fistful of my shirt with his newly freed hand. "Miles," he says, his voice full of warning. His brown gaze deepens, and his look says it all. Kiss me.

So I obey. My mouth comes down on his, gently at first, unsure of how he'll react. But then he kisses back, his hands gripping into the front of my shirt to pull me closer, and it's all the confirmation I need. I turn us both and pin him against the metal guardrail. He responds gracefully, arching his back to close any remaining distance between us and sighing against my mouth.

I deepen our kiss, and everything is just perfect -- until I suddenly realize what's happening, my mind descending from the rosy fog it's been suspended in. I'm kissing a guy. A guy, not a girl.

And it feels so good.

Eventually, Jasper and I both pull away, our lungs begging for air -- air that now seems trivial compared to the life his kisses give me. My hands wound themselves into his hair at some point, and I start to draw them free, but something in Jasper's gaze stops me. He looks... scared. Like he expected this, like he knew I'd pull away from him. But I want -- need, really -- to let him know that I'm here, and I'm here to stay.

I draw him into a hug, and he buries his head in my chest. I let a hand drift gently up and down his back as he leans into me, his soft breath landing lightly against my collarbone. "I really liked... that," I say into his hair.

Jasper places a hand against my chest, pulling back to meet my eye. And for the first time since I've known him, he smiles. A bright, brilliant, beautiful smile. Definitely worth the wait. And to that look of pure, unrestricted hope, I can do nothing but kiss him again.

We kiss for... I don't even know how much longer, honestly. When we pull away for another break, Jasper's lips are red and glazed, and just a little bit swollen. I did that, I think proudly, tracing his mouth gently with a finger. He watches me in what seems like awe, and I grant him a light, innocent kiss. His flushed expression is enough to rouse an unfamiliar sort of hunger in my gut, and my mouth scrapes along his jaw to drop to the pale skin of his neck. I... I want more.

I want to leave... permanent damage.

Jasper tenses as I leave a trail of kisses down his neck to his collarbone, and his hand squeezes my waist. "Miles," he mumbles, his voice shaking. "Pl-please. We're in public."

His voice snaps me back to reality, and the diverse sounds and smells of the carnival behind me rush back to flood my senses. I draw back, blinking as his eyes warily track my motions. "I'm sorry, I... I forgot." He smirks up at me, like he knows exactly what he's doing to me. I swallow my desire to have him -- right now, no matter our situation -- realizing that's way too much, way too fast. I need to calm down. "Do you want to... ride the wheel now?"

Jasper rolls his eyes, bracing a hand at the base of my neck to draw me back in. "Shut up." And this time, he kisses me.