Candy Hearts

Mattress

So here's what you missed last week;

Emma and Ken are getting married, though it seems like she really likes Will. Which Ken's kind of noticed, which makes him really not like Will. Also, Terri says she's pregnant. But really she's faking, and Mr Schuester doesn't know. Will's busy getting the kids ready for sectionals, where they're up against a school for the deaf and a group of juvie girls. But it turns out both of them are really good. Also, Sue kicked Quinn out of the Cheerios because she's pregnant. It's not very nice, but neither is Sue. And that's what you missed on Glee.

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"Where's Rachel?" Kurt asked as he placed the past editions of the school's yearbook on the piano. "She's not here yet," Finn said. "Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a Slushee in the face." Y/n raised his hand, "I haven't." "That's because half of the Cheerios wants to sleep with you. Anyways, as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution; swirlies, patriotic wedgies." Mercedes tilted her head, "What's a patriotic wedgie?" "It's when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undie," Finn explained from behind her. "Strangely, it did make me feel more American," Artie said from beside her. "Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee club terror. I've done a little library research."

Kurt unstacked the books and laid them out side by side. Flipping one of them open he turned it to face the majority of the club, "Peter Geller; Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on Hitler mustache and a rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr Geller had a nervous breakdown. He's now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library." Quinn's brows raised in shock, "Patches?" Kurt nodded, "Patches." "he barks at my mom," Brittany said as Kurt opened another yearbook. "Exhibit B. Tawny Peterson; Glee club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head in a macabre tableau that in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins's ruling."

Just as Kurt finished speaking Mr Schuester entered the room, "Oh, hey guys. Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?" He asked, some of the closer club members quickly shutting the defaced pages. "It's really unsettling," Artie said, referring to the darkly drawn-on insults. "And totally unfair. Hey, can I borrow one of these?" Mr Schue asked Kurt, not bothering to await his answer as he pulled the yearbook from his grasp. "You know what? This year's Thunderclap is gonna have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it." The teens gave him fake smiles that were quick to drop the moment his back turned.

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"Shue, I'm doing the glee club a solid. We're denying the opportunity to other children to further humiliate them." Principal Figgins said making Schuester stop pacing in front of him. "No, no, no. Those kids get up on stage all the time, no matter what anyone thinks of them, and they perform. They don't let anyone or anything get to them. That's something you should encourage. Sue is wrong." He said angrily, clearly unaware of the plethora of defaced yearbook pages. "Fine. I'll give them a photo," Figgins said, leaning back in his chair. "Thank you." "For $1,000." Schue turned back to face him, "What?" "That's what it costs. The yearbook is prime advertising space, Schue. Fredrickson's Funeral Parlor experienced a 1.3% increase in revenue after their full-page ad last year in the Thunderclap." Mr Schue shook his head as he thought, "Ok, um- W-what about a quarter page? How much does that cost?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Figgins let out a sigh as he typed the numbers into his calculator. "$325. That will buy you enough space for a photo of two members of the glee club, right below the advertisement for Uncle Sandro's chicken inside of a waffle." Schuster shook his head again, "Figgins, that's a lot of money." "It's a compromise, Schue. Now, I suggest you select the good-looking cheerleader, not the pregnant one, and the quarterback for the photo, as their faces are less likely to be scratched out with safety pins." Mr Schue moved to say something when Rachel barged into the office and cut him off. "Mr Schuester, I'm very sorry to interrupt. Principal Figgins, as you very well know, this is my first year in glee club, and I've just been informed that the New Directions has not been afforded a yearbook photo." She took in a deep breath before continuing as Figgins blankly stared at her. "As you might expect, my two gay dads have a very close relationship with our local branch of the A.C.L.U.-" Schuester cut her off as he placed a hand on her shoulder, "Beat you to the punch, Rachel. It's all good. We're in the yearbook." Rachel let out a relieved sigh, "Oh. Fantastic. Thank you so much."