Rejected

Chapter 32

Alex's POV

I knew Tab was following me. I knew he and everyone else who came would expect me to go back with them, but honestly the idea of going back to Blood River was suffocating. I couldn't take a deep enough breath to ground myself. My cat was pacing in my head and I couldn't keep the growl inside any more. I needed a run. The last of my cat nip had been used up or died out so that option was off the table, I just needed space.

Space... all this work, all that time trying to adjust to a non-abusive pack and now all I want is space from the very same people who tried to help me. The irony would have made me chuckle if not for the hyperventilating.

"Alex!" Tab called after me. I couldn't stop. I needed someplace familiar, some place I could ground myself. Stop everything. "Alex, hold on a minute!" Too late, Tab had caught up. He stepped around me and placed his hand on my arm, keeping me from leaving again. "You're going the wrong way, Dad and the car are back that way." He gestures behind me with his head.

"I'm not going back." The words escape before I can think about them. They surprise me just as much as they do Tab.

"What do you mean you're not going back? You graduated, that means you get to go home, and on top of that you exposed a corrupt councilman who tried to usurp the title and nearly succeeded. You above all others deserve to go home." I heard the rest of our party, Myles and the young woman hanging off his arm, Tyler and Zack, Alpha Blood. I couldn't hear Kole, but I felt his presence. I wanted to do this quietly, slip away without having to hurt any of them. But it can't be helped.

"That's just it though. It wouldn't be home anymore. Face it Tab, I was accepted into the pack and the very next day we shipped out to this hell hole. I'd be going back as a different person. The mere thought of going back sends me into a panic." Stay calm, don't break down in front of everyone. Just get them to leave and then everything will be fine.

"Then we integrate you back into the pack just like we did when you first came to us. We've done it before, we can do it again. And the pack can learn the new you while you do that." I could see hope in Tab's eyes.

"You don't get it. I've been mostly secluded for a year. The only interaction I had was violent. I'm not going back. Cats are solitary creatures anyway. I think it's time I step away from pack life and focus on myself."

"Alex..."

"You can't mean..." I turned to see tears in the twins' eyes. Myles looked concerned and Alpha Blood was slowly shaking his head as if begging it wasn't true. But when my gaze settled on Kole, I nearly changed my mind. He didn't say anything, and his face was stone cold, but the chemo signals he was giving off were stronger than everyone else's combined. He was trying to accept that this is what I needed to do, but anyone looking at him could tell he was hurting.

"I'm sorry." I didn't tear my eyes away from Kole as I apologized. I couldn't, I didn't deserve to escape the pain that flashed in his eyes. He still didn't say anything, and if he did... if he asked me to stay, I think I would.

"If that's what you really want, we can't force you to stay. But you'll always have a home with us." Alpha Blood conceded. I know that for him this was not just losing a pack member, but a member of the family. Hell, he gave me his last name, took me in and created a whole story for me so that I would be treated as his flesh and blood. But I couldn't bring myself to ever call him "father" or "dad". That term of endearment, that name, had forever been tainted. This man was nothing like my father, and he didn't deserve the same title as that bastard. I would never saddle Alpha Blood with the disdain that came with that name.

"Thank you." With one last look at all of them, lingering again on Kole, I turned and headed away from the hell I'd been kept in for a year. I was planning on starting in the stretch of free land between Council territory and Blood River, then from there who knows.

Kole's POV

She was leaving. I wasn't going to stop her, but it hurt. Why does it hurt? She's a Cat, just like me. Sometimes the call to be alone is too much to ignore, but the recent times that's hit me my thoughts went back to her. I wanted to stay here so she'd be able to find her way back... back to what? Back to me? Why?

"Kole, aren't you going to do something?" Tyler was obviously upset at the goodbye Alex just gave. Can you even call it that? She just told us she's not coming back with us. It wasn't a proper goodbye.

"Yah, she'll listen to you!" Zack wasn't fairing much better than his brother.

"She said she wanted to be alone." The words felt like glass in my throat. "She's a Cat." As if that could explain everything away.

"But we're family! How could she just leave like we mean nothing to her?" Tyler's voice was rising as he continued. We had gained a small audience, and it would only continue to grow if he continued.

"She's really affected you all this much?" Opal was playing the most confusing game of catch up. Since she met Myles the Twins have told her about how sweet Alex is and how well they'd get along. But because she was gone she only had stories. Now that she's met Alex, I'm not sure she understands how that cold, distant person could be the same as the one she's heard stories about for a year. It's just like Alex said, she's changed.

"Alex became sort of our little sister the minute she arrived. She was this small, scared, fragile little girl who just wanted to find a place she belonged..." Tyler turned to look in the direction Alex had disappeared to.

"She pulled at something in all of us. She..." Zack stopped trying to find the words. We had all agreed that we wouldn't share the details of Alex's story. It wasn't ours to tell after all, but without knowing what pulled all of us to her Opal would never fully understand why we were all so upset at her departure.

"She was abused. Rejected. And we helped her, gave her a home, and a family that cared for her." Tab explained in short simple fact.

"We did everything we could to put her back together after her birth pack broke her, and it seemed to work... then she came here and was broken all over again." Myles continued. Opal gained some understanding with the small explanation, but she'd never understand the severity of Alex leaving. She's taking parts of us with her. Parts we'll never get back, not unless we get her back as well.

"Kole?" I hadn't pulled my eyes away from the last place I saw her. I heard Opal, but didn't give any indication I was paying attention. "It was different for you wasn't it? She wasn't like a little sister to you was she? She was something more..." I pinched the catnip between my fingers in my pocket. Taking a deep breath in, I tried to find the words. The damn woman was going to be an excellent Beta Female.

"I..." my words caught in my throat. I couldn't string them together, even if I knew what I was trying to say.

"I see. You hadn't defined it yet. Right?" I shook my head without turning away. It's not like she'd come running back to us, to me? She had a mate out there. A shallow one that couldn't see her worth when he had the opportunity. One who hurt her repeatedly and didn't seem to feel any kind of remorse for it. She deserves better. Had I hoped to be that someone for her? She and I wouldn't have a traditional bond. We'd both had a mate already, and we couldn't replace that bond for the other. But that didn't mean I wouldn't do everything I could to keep her safe. To make her feel loved. Loved? Has it progressed that far? Why didn't I go with her? Why didn't I say anything to her? Why didn't I do anything? "She didn't say she wouldn't be back in the future. In fact I believe she said she needed to step away. That doesn't mean forever."

"Opal's right. She didn't say goodbye, she may just need to be alone for a while to put herself back together. She'll come back. She has to. We've affected her as much as she's affected us." Myles reasoned. I sure hope they're right.