Dark and Light

Chapter 31

"Bri? What are you doing home? I thought you and Chris were coming back tomorrow?" My mom walks to the foyer. Stopping when she sees my face. "He's just. He's just like the rest of them Mama." I fall to the floor. Lolo is by my side in a flash laying down next to me. "What happened sweetheart?" She is now joining me on the floor Her arms wrapped around me. I try to tell her threw broken sobs. Catching my breath when I can. "Oh baby. I'm so sorry." She is rocking me in her arms. Then I feel something furry on the other side of me. I peak up from my mother's arms. "Dodgie?" No. No anything but this. I cry more. "Mama what is Dodger doing here?" He licks my face trying to get me to stop crying I think. "Chris asked me to watch him." She hugs me tighter as he lays on my lap. He whines a little. He knows I'm heartbroken. I'm losing him too. This makes it so much worse. "Where's Clo?" I ask. Making sure she doesn't see this. "She's at her girlfriend's for the night." I nod my head. Thanking god she isn't here. She's going to be crushed. "She just started calling him Daddy mama." More sobs and tears. "I know sweet girl." She keeps me in her arms just listening. "He's right. I am stupid. Thinking that I could ever be happy. Thinking dreams could come true. I wish I never met him mama. That I just went on with the little fantasies I had in my head. It's never hurt like this. Ever. My soul feels like it's dying. How do I make it stop?" I feel completely hopeless right now. It's been years since I felt that way. So alone and helpless. My body shaking from sobbing. My tears won't end. For the first time in decades I want to die. I want the pain to stop. As the thought comes to my head Dodger wedges himself in between Ma and I. He feels it. I wrap my arms around his neck and cry into his fur. "I'm going to miss you so much my good boy. I'm sorry Dodgie. I'm so, so sorry. I would've loved to have been your mama. Daddy just won't ever trust me though. He doesn't love me the way I thought. He wouldn't even look at me twice if I didn't look like this. I love him for everything he is. I wish. I wish he felt the same about me. He called me stupid. All I was a prize piece of *ss. He thinks I'm some dumb wh*re. Something to show off. He would have left when he got sick of me anyways. Found someone else. Better this happens now. Before. Before I actually got to be Sabrina Evans like I always wanted. Then have it all ripped away." Breaking down. A pile on the floor. "Oh god. Baby." Chris's voice soft and sad is behind me. "I got her Ma." He almost whispers. She nods and leaves.

"Come on princess. There's a long talk we need to have." He tries to pick me up in his arms. Dodger is very reluctant to remove himself from my lap. "I got her bubba. Good boy taking care of Mama until I got here." Dodger moves out of the way. He cradles me against him carrying me up the stairs. Neither pup wanting to leave me they follow behind. He puts me on the bed and I curl up into a ball. He hands me my favorite pair of sweats and a tee shirt. "Let's get you into something comfortable baby." He helps me change. My mind numb at the moment. Pulling back the covers he makes me get in. Changing himself then climbing in next to me. Wrapping his arms around me. "I'm a jealous child sometimes Bri. I know that. I acted like a fool. I said somethings I would give anything to take back. In my heart I know you would never cheat. I've had my heart broken in the past. The same way you have. More times than not. You know how that can play tricks with your mind. I will get better with this you have my word my love." His tone is calm and soothing. "You need to know I never view you as anything other than the amazing woman you are. You're not a prize. A trophy for me to show off because of your looks. I will not deny that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. But it's not because of just the outside." He turns me in his arms. Looking me in the eyes. "You are a remarkable human being. The love you have for the people you care about and the world around you is mind boggling. You're smart. You're funny, talented, strong and sweet. You light up every room you are in when you smile. You show more humanity in one day than most do in a lifetime. You have an aura that glows brighter than anyone I've ever met. I did not ask you to be my wife to own you Sabrina. I asked you to marry me to be my partner. I meant what I said. You are the other half of my soul and my heart. You're the one I have been waiting for my entire life." I cry more. "I'm never going to leave you. I'm never going to wander. Getting sick of you as you said? Is not going to happen. All these relationships we have that were catastrophic before happened for a reason. They all lead us to each other. There were so many other things too. All those times we talked about being in the same places. Around the same times. Every single thing we share in common. That Led Zeppelin song? The fact when each of us heard it we thought of a love. One like we have now. It all means something princess. It means we were made for each other. Somewhere in the grand scheme of things. What ever it is. Made us for each other." He takes my hand. Brushes my knuckles on his beard. It calms me. "Even that. That shows me too." He smiles.