Dark and Light

Chapter 37

Zach POV

"Morning Red." I yawn watching her making breakfast for Clo. She doesn't know it but I have been ogling her for a few minutes quietly. This woman still gives me butterflies. All these years later. "Morning Zach." She starts humming as she pour more coffee into her mug. "You're awfully happy this morning. I thought you hated early starts to the day?" I reach around her to get a mug from the cabinet. Sadness takes me over. I wish I could have this with her as a couple. Not just co parents, not just friends. I have been trying to let go. Especially after the conversation with Evans. Which to be honest he shocked the heck out of me. Didn't realize he had that it in him. It also lit a jealous rage in my soul. Made my body shake I was so filled with anger as I remembered the way she used to sound saying those things to me. Calling me Zaddy loudly as she c*me. How she would tighten around me and the inside of her would pulse as she did. I know how unhealthy this is, I truly do. But I can't help it when it comes to her. My therapist has been trying his hardest to help me let go. It's been a struggle. For him and me. She is undeniably happy with Chris. He is amazing to our daughter. Which I am grateful for. He is a good man. Everything I haven't been or haven't given her? He does so more than willingly. And annoyingly it seems effortlessly. "I still hate mornings Zach. But, today is an exciting day!" Her laugh breaks me out of my thoughts. I love that sound. "Oh really? Why is that?" I smirk as I sip my coffee. "Of course you wouldn't remember." She says under her breath as she turns back to the counter. She has no idea but I do. Very much so. That is why I postponed my trip a couple months. Knowing Chris would still be filming and I could spend today with her. Like I did fifteen years ago. Well, almost like I did. I put my coffee mug down on the counter. Stepping behind her I stoop down to put my head on her shoulder. "There are a lot of things in this world I forget Ri. But today has never been one of them. I haven't for fifteen years. Happy Birthday Leia." I smile as I kiss her cheek. "Thank. Thank you." She stutters. Missing the days when she called me her Han. Her nerf herder. I'm tempted to shoot my shot right now hearing that. Knowing she stutters only when one of two emotions take her over. Nerves or my favorite one she has. Desire. At that moment I hear Clo bouncing down the stairs. Breaking away I sit at the counter. I flew in late last night. I haven't seen her yet. I can not wait to. I miss her every moment I don't get to see her. "Dad!" She rushes hugging me. "Hey baby girl. I missed you so much!" I hug her tightly. "Happy birthday mama!" She says excitedly as Ri feeds her cat Loki and the dogs. She was so sad last month when Sophie passed away. She had her since she was pregnant with Clo. She seems better about it now though. Thank god. It was hard when she called me from the vet's office. When they had to put her to rest.

"Thank you princess!" She embraces our daughter who is now taller than her mom. Which drives Ri nuts. Makes me laugh though. Also proud. She seems to have gotten the best part of my genetics. The bad ones, not so much. Which when talking to Bri about, she was grateful for too. Our families seem to share the genetic code when it comes to them. Our child? She has broken past it. Most importantly the reason behind it. Her mother wanted to break that cycle. Proud of Ri that she did that. Sad that I wasn't there to help. At that point in my life though? I would have hindered not helped. She made the right decision by walking away from me for Chloe. I have learned that now. She was right to. Which makes me admire her even more. Thankful that my daughter never saw the person I was. She only sees the man I am now. Which I worked hard to be. "Are you excited for tonight Ma?" She says as she sits next to me. "Of course I am! Almost everyone is coming and for once I don't have to cook." Her mom laughs as she sets her breakfast in front of her and mine down too. One of the things I have always adored about her. She is nurturing. I thank her as she does. "So am I. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone." Clo rolls her eyes. My little girl makes me laugh. She has a bit of a bite to her. Like her mother. Especially when it comes to the ones she loves. Protecting them at all costs. It's an admiral quality she has been taught. "I know but, for Auntie's sake we have to be nice. All of us." I hear Sabrina's tone. She is annoyed. Tom is coming tonight. Shocking to me that she told Audrey it's fine to bring him. That's the way she has always been. She forgives and moves on. She is an outstanding person and friend. Always supporting those she loves. "Can you seriously punch him in the d*ck Dad? I mean you have threatend it before. In that interview." Clo giggles as Ri spits out her coffee. "Language!" She says loudly. Laughing as she cleans up the liquid off the counter. Chloe pouts. "I miss Daddy mama. Wish he could be here for your birthday." Her voice sad. Internally I groan. Sucking it up for Chloe, I try to make her laugh. "I mean I could. Just saying." I shrug smiling. Ri cracks up and throws a kitchen towel at me. "Behave yourself, both of you. Tom has been your friend for a decade now Zach. Clo, he has always loved you. Adored you." Sighing she looks out the window watching Dodger and Lolo play. I know she misses him too. I freaking hate it. "How about we give mama a break today Clo? I will take you to school. After we take care of the breakfast dishes." I kiss Chloe's temple. "Sounds good Dad!" She giggles her mom's giggle. "Well thank you both. That sounds nice." Putting her hand on mine. My skin tingles. I can tell she can see the goose bumps forming. Taking her hand away quickly. She hasn't said it but I know her. She knows how I feel about her still. I think she just ignores it. Hoping it goes away. I wish it would too. More than she does. We eat breakfast in silence. I have to break the awkward in the lingering in the air. "Do you have rehearsal today Padawan?" I ask casually. "No not today. That reminds me, I almost forgot. Mama can Derek come tonight?" She asks her mom hopefully. I grumble. "Enough dad." Chloe says annoyed. Great the boyfriend is coming. Awesome. "Of course sweetheart. I like that kid. Oh shoot! Look at the time! I have to get ready for work!" She chugs her coffee. Kissing Clo's head before she runs up the stairs. What I wouldn't have given to have gotten one too. Frowning I get up. Starting to clean the kitchen my daughter stands next to me. "Dad. I love you, I hope you know that. But you have to let it go." She puts her plate in the sink. "I know baby girl. But no Dad is ever going to be happy their little girl has a boyfriend." I smile at her. "No Dad, you need to let this thing you have for mom go." Sh*t. Hate that she knows it. She is too perceptive some times. "Go get ready for school. I will take care of this." She hugs my side and leaves me in the kitchen. My heart hurting.