Kaiju Paradise Shorts + Headcanons (DISCONTINUED)

Shitpost

Today, the human woke up and chose violence. She rose from the rug in the employee lounge and stepped through the secure door within the base. Just outside was the main room of the facility, covered in slime pup puddles and live examples of what would happen if your stupid ass slipped and fell into one of those puddles. Carefully, the human scooped up one of these pups and gave it head pats, allowing it to climb onto her shoulder. The trust of pups was so easy to gain, it was a wonder that they weren't all dead yet. With a strong sense of purpose, the human walked out into the cave, filled with glowing blue crystals. In fact, she walked with such a sense of purpose that the gootraxians in the cave didn't even attack her. They just stared, curious. They had no idea what she was planning to do with this slime pup, but they would soon know.

The human soon stood in front of the door in the back of the cave. She had no idea if this would work, but she had already come too far, she had to commit. She knocked loudly on the door, which wasn't hard since it was a giant metal garage door. She heard a shuffling sound inside, as though she had disturbed something. The pup on her shoulder shrank back in fear, and she grabbed the little creature from her shoulder to hold it in her hands. The pup was still, even as the door slid open. The panther inside stared, confused, because who would knock on a big fucking locked door like that? It was even more confused, though, when it saw a human girl holding a now thrashing, squealing pup in her arms, as if it was an offering.

"Ayo BUDDY, want this Cheez It, foo?" She said, grinning, holding out the pup.

The panther thought it could understand humans quite well for a gootraxian, but that sentence simply couldn't have been English, could it? However, the human's gesture was quite clear, and the panther was absolutely not going to pass up a free meal. The black cat snatched the pup from the human's hands and loudly devoured it as it screeched. Spitting out the pup's mask, the panther noticed that the human had not fled in terror. Something must be wrong with it. In fact, what human would approach a panther. WAIT, HOW DID SHE EVEN KNOW THE PANTHER WOULD BE THERE? Suddenly, the panther decided this human knew too much, and leapt at her. Leaping out of the way, she pulled a comically large spoon out of her ass and bashed the creature over the head with it, fleeing while it was stunned.

When the panther's brain started to work again, it just stayed on the floor, wondering what exactly the fuck had just happened. Like, that wasn't a dream, was it? The pup's mask was still on the floor, so it had to have been real. My god, humans really were stupid, the creature thought. Still, though, a basic fact that the panther knew was that most humans loved slime pups. It was one of the main reasons that panthers got their asses kicked, after all. Ah well, the panther slithered back over to the door it had emerged from like a snake, and slid under it. If that human didn't die as soon as a blackout occurred, the panther might consider sparing her life.