Mosaicked Feelings

V: Too Hot to be Smart

Oftentimes, the only thing I miss about then, is the feeling of not missing anymore.

Pressing save on my drafts, I exit Wattpad, trying to process my closure-starved feelings, before I stared out into the horizon from the window of the moving bus. I lazily made my way into the department building, my aching body not allowing me to move freely, and consequently, I double-pressed the buttons in hopes of the lift arriving faster. Mentally preparing myself to cut off any possibility of an interaction with Edward, so as to let the accidental incident of yesterday, slide, I leaned lazily against the cool metallic surface, as the floor numbers proceeded on the screen. The silver metallic surface had randomly coupled initials traced in the slightly settled dust, giving off the impression of confessions accompanied by hearts. I shook my head at the mere sight.

Jogging out, I knew I was quite late for English, but then again, it was English and I'd rather self-study than take lessons from the very monotonous teacher we had, who hated our class with a burning passion. 

After hearing out a five-minute lecture over why I as a university student, should be punctual now, I squeezed my way between the chattering students, seating myself beside Marilyn in the front row.

The class resumed like usual, the half period spent with our teacher stressing over how bad students have transformed over the years and the other half, reading and rereading definitions on parts of speeches from PowerPoint slides that I could binge read in like 7 minutes.

"I really feel like ditching this class." Marilyn half yawned and half-whispered. "But then again, I can't risk failing."

"We could study on our own," I suggested, leaning on my chair in tiredness.

"Of course, we can, but we do need to maintain attendance," She reminded.

I didn't push any further on how it was still okay to ditch class since it was just the beginning of the semester, but I let it slide. Huffing in frustration, the claustrophobic environment suffocating me, I refocused my attention on the blurry whiteboard. From what I could tell from Marilyn's behaviour, she always wanted everything well planned and organised, and I was hoping her perfectionist schemes would just start rubbing on me as well.

I spent the rest of the period, shifting in my chair in every sitting position possible, checking the time every hour only to find that only a couple of minutes had passed by. And then a few moments later, my phone casually beeped, signalling a text.

I secretly checked my phone, hiding it between my notebook pages, and scrolled to find, the one and only, Edward. I stifled an awkward smile, hoping he would simply drop the subject of me sending him photos. But instead, it was something unexpected, as I swiped my finger between the texts.

So there is this guy in university, I don't know if you know him, but he seemed like he knew you and wanted your number.

I stared at the words on my screen wide-eyed with disdain, as my mind went to all possible and not-so-possible, worse assumptions. Maybe he had finally traced me down and somehow managed to make sure I knew it, without telling me in person. The mere thought reverberated paranoia inside of me, as I looked around in slight suspiciousness.

My phone vibrated with a text again making me jump, and I instantly fiddled it open.

Don't worry, I wouldn't for the life of us, give anyone your number. ;)

And just when I was about to type a message on how it wasn't funny as he made it to be, and the investigating regarding the stalker guy, my phone was retracted from my hand quite instantly.

I already knew this wasn't going to end well. 

Regret and panic crept inside me, as I mentally scolded myself for being so careless. I was pathetic at hiding and anyone could tell why. I mean he proved that pretty well back then at how much I sucked at lying -- which usually was just me telling him how good of a friend he was -- and keeping secrets.