Mosaicked Feelings

XXXII: A Cliffhanger in Life

All my anxiety-ridden experiences had weighed down on me, and the tiredness of them had started to impact my body physically. Therefore, I resorted to staying home and skipping university for the day. My body felt heavier than ever, and despite the coolness of the early morning, I felt sweaty and uncomfortably hot.

Grumbling under my breath, I shifted to the other side of my creaking bed, trying hard for sleep to embrace me, but the last night's nightmare flashbacks had taken a toll on me. The stomach-aching waves of hurt brimmed in me while I struggled to force sleep.

Finally, after uncomfortably shifting and turning, I dragged myself up, and against the wooden panel of the bed, leaning lazily. I pulled my bag towards me, which was also messily tossed on the comforter, and fished out some cigarettes, to drain off the occupying unwanted emotions. I grabbed my phone, diving into teen fiction stories online for the sake of a distraction, accompanying the eerie silent surroundings, with some cheery music.

Somehow managing to pass a few hours hurdled in books, my phone battery almost passed out. I huffed loudly, finally bringing myself to drag out of bed. Plugging my phone into the charger, I decided to read what Marilyn had given me instead. I heard the birds chirping lightly outside, indicating late morning while the day lightened. The rays seeped through the windows from my translucent curtains, forming a light glow in the room -- promising to fade all the darkness with the slightest of light.

Minutes later, I got myself some water to drink to hydrate and skipped my usual morning routine of cleaning myself. I hadn't showered for days and couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt too much like a big chore to do, and so skipping it seemed relieving.

The afternoon passed in a jiffy -- mainly because of how calm and stress-proof it was -- and I heard Mum come home early, the door clicking unlock from the outside. I sighed in relief, grateful for her presence in the ghastly aloneness I was in. I was partially starving for the first time -- since the feeling of anxiety wasn't there to obscure it -- but couldn't bring myself to make anything. I was too sick and tired.

"Shelly!" She yelled from the other room, her voice sounding strained and somewhat, tired.

"Coming," I called back, knowing well she couldn't hear me. I quickly unscrambled myself from bed and rushed out of the stuffy room to find her sorting the living room. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?" She looked up at me, a small frown creased on her exhausted features.

I was a little surprised at her out-of-the-blue question, and quickly managed a bright smile. "Of course I am. What would happen to me?" I chuckled, a little too uncertainly.

"What were you doing all day?" She asked again, whilst clearing the mess on the couches.

"I was sick," I choked, partially lying. If I wasn't sick physically, I sure was emotionally and mentally. I was sick of feeling emotions that ticked me off. "That's why I took an off,"

"Is there something going on in the university?" She asked again, closely watching me as she tiredly perched on a seat.

"What? No." I instantly replied, shaking my head and pretending as if I didn't know what she was talking about.

"I got a call from your department's chairman," She huffed, still looking very upset, her curious eyes trying to look through me. The realisation sank inside me as I made sense of what could've happened next.

"What? Why would they call you? They do have my number-" I begun explaining but she interrupted.

"They said you hadn't been receiving any calls, so they had to call me," She chirped, demanding an explanation from me.