Mosaicked Feelings

I: A New Chapter

The unsettling feeling in me rummaged throughout the entire ride as I overlooked the fast-pacing buildings and trees blurring through the car window. The passing by's reflected my wandering mind, over-contemplating things. Not things like the blaring poetical lyrics of Taylor Swift in my ears, nor the insecurity-driven comparisons I obsessively used to make on countless nights when my book didn't make it to the Wattys, and its smaller number of views. But simplistic things like the monochromatic play of events of my future and their contrast to my past.

To put things into more perspective, unbelievably enough I had finally made it to university, a life I had always deemed unfathomable. The weekly overdose of the to-be-complied regulations that I received from Mum did nothing to my anxiousness, but instead only took a toll on me. And now all I was left with was my knotty thoughts like an overly did tapestry, that felt almost impossible to unravel.

The car finally slowed down to a halt, crunching on the dead-leaved gravel, signalling we had reached. Somehow the dreadful sixty minutes in the traffic had seemed to have ticked faster with my clouded mind. Inhaling the autumnal scent, I stepped out taking in the massiveness of the place, my eyes absorbing the overwhelmingly different surroundings. Huge places were never my thing due to the illicit possibilities in illicit rendezvous areas. Something I knew from personal experience, and hence chose to avoid at all costs. The brightly lit place held a banner right at the entrance, stating the university's name in big blue letters. The main gates led to a long entrance, revealing crowds of students everywhere, with their respective families.

Shaking off any of my anxiety-ridden thoughts, we entered the open field, until we reached the sleek hallways. I kept adjusting and readjusting the handbag over my shoulder during our walk, which probably gave away how nervous I seemed. Mum, on the other hand, kept assuring me of better times to come and how she was overly pleased with this new chapter of my life. A chapter I knew was already beginning with the fear of uncertainty and probably would end with the certainty of fear. How I wished she'd known what I'd been through in college, she could've preferred to throw the shoes before even thinking about walking in them.

My social anxiety had always been a featured part of my personality, and it got worse ever since college. A small gathering of people always worked me up for some reason, and that reminded me of quite a lot of things, I'd rather save those thoughts for another moment.

The students and their family members hustled and bustled around, while I meekly struggled to keep a low profile. We were directed and navigated by the staff until we reached an auditorium.

"Hello, and congratulations on getting accepted into our university. Here are your prospectuses and guidebooks about anything and everything you need to know. The orientation session will start shortly," A petite old woman spoke, probably for the hundredth time considering how monotonous her voice was. I took the flashy blue magazine from her, returning her a tight smile, which obviously went unnoticed.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you Michelle!" My mum squealed pulling me into a firm hug, while my discomfort grew noticeably. "Who knew my little girl would get this big."

"Mum," I awkwardly groaned, a small, shy smile growing on my face. She pulled back, her emotional stature not wavering one bit, while I internally prayed that she wouldn't tear up. 

I looked around and sideways through the parameters of the auditorium, hoping that he would not somehow manage to trace my whereabouts, 'coincidentally' ending up getting in the same campus as mine. The chances were quite low, though considering how he had failed an exam in college, funnily enough, I had presumed was Karma's good-doing. Still, I was also sure of my unforeseen happenstances of a life where distressing miracles weren't a new thing. I could never be so sure.