𝗨𝗚𝗟𝗬 // 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗼𝗻

005

"I.." it was hard to get the words out, "talked to Steve Harrington yesterday." I smiled that thin smile people do in awkward situations, wondering what reaction I'd get from Miss Cook.

"You did?" She was clearly shocked, which is valid, "how'd it go?"
I sighed and chuckled awkwardly, knowing what was coming, "he was nice.. so before you say it! I'll admit you were right." Miss cook laughed as I carried on, "maybe you were right about giving him a chance," I couldn't just let my pride down could I? "But I'm still weary of him!"

"Okay! Okay!" She chuckled to herself as she marked something down in her notebook like always, "I'm glad you're making progress though, so how did you feel talking to him?"
That's when I felt myself curl into a ball again, not physically, no I was too scared to let Miss Cook see what I was really, truly feeling, but in my head I was cuddled up in bed and not thinking about Steve Harrington.

"I felt.. insecure?" I questioned more than answered, "I don't know it's just.. I was scared that at any moment he'd turn around and call me ugly again I guess.."

"I thought you said he'd changed?" She was right, I knew she was right, "yes yeh but I um.." I picked my thumb like I always do, "I don't know I'm still scared?"

"Ruby, until you learn to love yourself, I fear you will never forgive Steve Harrington."

***

I walked up to the counter of Scoops Ahoy at 1:30pm just like Steve had said and thought to myself.. if the me from two years ago knew I would be taking advice from Steve Harrington, she'd throw up.

He was behind the counter waiting on some girls who I recognised from class, they were very pretty and had big bright smiles I could only dream of.
Girls like that were like diamonds and I.. stood there feeling like a rusty old piece of metal, destined for the scraps.

God why was I feeling like this.. they were just humans, everyone is a human why do I think I'm not as good as any other person?
I shake the thoughts away as Steve sighs and turns towards Robin who I've noticed is holding a giant whiteboard that says you suck and you rule on it. The you rule part of course has no tally's.

"I told you! It's the hat!"
I overhear him speaking as I wait in the cue to see them, realising they haven't noticed me yet.
"Oh yeh that hat definitely makes a difference," Robin rolls her eyes and laughs as Steve goes to flip her off, but stops himself due to being in a work place I assume.

I can't help but smile, they really do get along.. and maybe for Robin I can give him a small.. chance.
"You need to stop giving out free ice creams by the way," she speaks to him as he serves the people at the front of the cue, it must be a popular day for ice cream, but it is a Saturday so it makes sense.
"Or at least do it fairly." She adds, rolling her eyes and I raise an eyebrow in confusion as I watch.

"I do it fairly!" He smirks and winks at the girl paying before saying a quick, "enjoy your ice cream!" Ah classic Steve Harrington, getting the ladies.

"Yeh if they're cute,"
"Fine! Mostly if they're cute." He jokes with her and I feel all hope of a friendship with him wash away.
I shouldn't care what weird values Steve Harrington has, but Robin said he had changed.. changed from the guy who called me ugly all those years ago.. changed from the boy who bullied those he felt were different.

But hearing him talk about girls like that made me realise he still held the same materialistic ideals and that meant I knew I'd never be comfortable around him, not when I would be questioning myself 24/7.

I had to leave.
I had to get out of there before I threw up from the anxiety.
God I hadn't even washed my hair today.. what if he thought it was greasy? What if it's messy?
Oh shit I'm wearing bright clothing again god what if he thinks it's weird- it's totally weird.. he'd be right.. I'm a mess.

I pivot round on my feet as Robin goes in the break room and the cue moves forward, hoping Steve didn't see me, but I hear him call my name.
"Ruby!" He sounds happy, but I'm dying inside.

I keep walking, afraid to see his face if I turn around. Subconsciously I feel myself playing with my hair, making sure the back is all straight, that there's no lumps. God I'm stroking it now to make sure it's not greasy, he probably thinks I'm more of a freak.
"Hey Ruby wait up!" I turn my head slightly and see him apologising to the customer as he scoots around the counter and starts jogging towards me.
Please leave me alone.

I'm in the hallway just outside Scoops now, I figured maybe I'd escaped him but then I feel a tap on my shoulder.
I'm caught in the spiders web.

"Hey you said you'd come inside?" He says as I turn to face him, avoiding his eyes at all cost, "where are you going?"
I gulp at his question and try to move away, ignoring him and turning round so I can continue walking.
But he's not happy with this, which I realise is understandable since my awkward ass can't seem to say 'sorry I need to leave' or make up an excuse.

"Why are you avoiding this?" He shouts from behind me as I get further away and I hear him jog again, this time he turns me around himself.
Maybe he's angry thinking I ditched Robin.. god he probably thinks I'm a horrible person, a horrible friend.
Come on Ruby just tell him the truth, spit it out!

"I.. don't like you?" Once again it comes out as more of a question, but I know I shouted it by accident, and I know he heard.
So I turn around embarrassed and leave him standing there with a surprised look on his face.