My Little Brothers Best Friend

43

Riley

Night set in and I was waiting for Dad to come home, it's been hours since the exchange with James at the door and I think at this point I was ready to sleep it off in the hope tomorrow would shed some more light on the situation
"Hey Roo" Dad called from the hallway, I poked my head out of the kitchen to see him walking this way
"Do you realise your boyfriend is sat on our porch?" Dad asked making me look over at the clock

Had James really been sat there all afternoon?

"I don't think he's leaving anytime soon sweetheart" he said making me sigh nodding as I headed out to see James
I couldn't have him lingering like this. It isn't fair on anyone involved 

As soon as I walked out the front door, James' ears pricked up instantly as his head snapped around looking at me
"Babe" He said rising to his feet in the attempt to come over but I shook my head taking a step back
"You need to go home James" I said looking at him with sincerity on my face
I needed him to realise I was being serious

"Riley I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this" he said softly
"If we talk about this right now James, neither of us will like the ending" I warned him

"Ri" He whispered but I shook my head

I went to turn back to head inside, I didn't want to end things like this. I didn't want it period but the more he pushes the more it only makes me realise it's inevitable 

"Riley please" He whispered making me stop
I turned around to look at him again, the hurt written on his face was enough to show that I was already hurting him
That isn't what I wanted
I never wanted to hurt this boy. He's been someone I've loved practically my entire life, hurting him was never on the agenda 

"I think we need to break up James" I said bowing my head
"Not happening" He said attempting to get closer to me 
"James" I said looking up at him
"no Riley, that is not happening" He argued 

"It isn't something you can say no to.. It wasn't a question" I muttered but James shook his head
"I don't give a shit Riley. We aren't breaking up" He said 

"James, we have to!" I exclaimed
"No! No we do not" He said, I could see the tears building in his eyes while my continued to flood with them
"We do James, we are on a one way ticket to the end of the line" I explained
"We need to before either of us get hurt" I said

James took another step closer to me but the second I tried to take on backwards, my back crashed with my front door meaning I didn't have an out anymore

"Riley don't do this. We can get through this. We have to" James said with a slight hitch in his voice
"We can't keep doing this James, I refuse to be the person who holds you back, I refuse to be the reason you don't go to college" I said 

"God dammit Riley, I'll go to college if it means you don't do this!" He said but I shook my head
"Regardless on what happens now James, this has to happen. We're both completely and utterly captivated by this relationship, by all the dramas of me behind the scenes that we're attached. Attached to the point we are happily going to put our live on hold" I explained

"We need to be our own people James, we can't be this attached, it isn't healthy" I said 

I know I was right, I knew I was doing the right thing but I can't help but stab myself in the heart in the process..

"Riley please I'm begging you" James whispered but I shook my head
"I'm sorry" I whispered back slowly opening the front door closing it behind me..

My back hit the back of the door as soon as I closed it allowing myself to slowly slide down it until I was completely engulfed in my own arms, my knees pressed tightly to my chest while my breathing began to pick up..

"Babe please don't to this" I heard James whisper, he knew I was sat here, he could probably see my shadow

"Riley I love you" He whispered again making my sobs become uncontrollable 

I love him too...

There was no part of me that could ever not love him, it's always been him. That's just how it's always been but if I didn't let him go.. I'd only be holding him back

I was doing this for him..