I hate you but... I love you| Jimin

15

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This evening was not supposed to end like this. I couldn't let everything that happened to happen.

Fuck...

I'm so stupid.

And even though all this shouldn't have happened. I loved every moment, every second.

Even now I could feel his hands on my body, his lips on mine.
——

It was a difficult morning because I didn't get much sleep. The events of the night with Jimin kept replaying in my head. I thought about how it made me feel, and how I should behave today.

I realized that I liked everything we did. Walking around the city, the late dinner at the Eiffel Tower, our first normal conversations. Probably even more than that, I liked everything we did when we got back to the hotel. His touches, his kisses... Fuck... I was getting crazy about all that. And I'd give anything to experience that again.

But on the other hand, I'm still hurt, I haven't fully forgiven him for everything he said to me.

So I know exactly what I will say to him today when we meet.

I got a message that there is a car waiting downstairs. I gathered my essentials and, with the help of the elevator, I quickly found myself in the parking lot.

I got into mine and Jimin's car.

"Good morning, sunshine." Jimin looked at me with a smile on his face.

"Good morning." I said in a serious voice. And without looking at him for too long, I fastened my seat belt and looked out the window.

"Y/n..." Jimin sighed deeply. " Are you going to be that cold? After everything we went through yesterday?"

I turned to him. I tried to keep my face as cold as possible. "It was a mistake. Everything that happened yesterday. It shouldn't have happened. Especially what happened when we got back to the hotel. We just have to forget it and live as if nothing like that had happened. Because it was a mistake." Shit. It was hard to say that.

"What if I can't forget? How can I forget you on my lap? Your lips on mine? Your skin, its softness, smell. How can I forget all that? If I can still hear your moans in my head?" Jimin's gaze burned me.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and unbuckled mine. Before I knew what was happening, I was on Jimin's lap.

"Tell me you're not thinking about my lips on your body. Tell me you didn't like everything we did yesterday. Tell me by looking me in the eyes." He kept his thumb under my chin, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. "Just remember what you told me, that you never lie."

"Jimin..." I closed my eyes and inhaled some air.

"Look me in the eyes, Y/n, and say it. Convince me."

I opened my eyes. I knew I wouldn't be able to lie to him. I don't like to lie anyway. "I liked it. I liked everything we did. From the walk in the city to the events at the hotel. But still. It was a mistake. We couldn't do that. I shouldn't have given you that chance. The wound is still gaping inside me, a deep hole of pain. I still haven't been able to forgive you fully and it's still coming out. I want to forgive you, but I cannot. I still cannot." I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.

Jimin gently wiped it away. "What do I have to do to make you able to forgive me? I want nothing more than a second chance and for you to stop hurting. I hate myself so much for all the awful things I've said to you."

"I don't know, Jimin. Maybe I need time. And we really shouldn't kiss or do anything intimate. That includes sitting on your lap. We really shouldn't do that." I glared at him.

Jimin stroked my cheek again and released me from his embrace.

"I know I have to give you a chance. I'll try to get along with you, just like I do with the other members of BTS. But I need time for everything. Because sometimes all that pain comes to the surface and I want to run away from you and everyone else."