I hate you but... I love you| Jimin

18

——
"No, Jimin. Mingyu and I are not dating and we won't be a couple."

"I'm glad to hear that." He stood up from the bed and walked over to me. "I know you said that my apologies don't mean anything to you anymore, but..." He sighed. "I'm sorry for everything I did and said yesterday. Although I'm not really sorry for the kiss. I don't regret this one bit."

"Well, at least you are being honest. I accept your apology. This one last time. Now go take a shower." With a small smile on my face, I pushed him toward the bathroom.
——

While making the bed, I was thinking. About Jimin. I could have kicked him out now, but no. When I saw him crying, broken, I couldn't do anything to him except invite him in.

We will sleep together again.

Fuck, I'm seriously stuck with him. I've completely lost my mind about him. It's only his past mistakes and jealousy scenes that spoil everything and keep me from getting carried away, keep me from giving in to my feelings for Jimin.

"I've freed up the bathroom for you." Jimin walked back into the room so quietly that I didn't even notice until he spoke.

"Oh, you're already here. Go to bed while I run to the shower." I smiled and grabbed my sleeping clothes and ran out of the room.

[...]

I went back to my room. Jimin was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window.

I walked over and sat down next to him. Neither of us was looking at each other. We were looking at the night view of Seoul.

"You know, Jimin, I'm fed up. I'm fed up with the anger. I'm fed up with these dark periods. I don't know how much more I can mentally take the whole negative shit. I am tired. I just want a normal relationship with you. We both need to control ourselves. Otherwise, we'll both feel bad and I won't be working here long."

"I'm trying to control myself, but fuck... Most of the time it just doesn't work out. Because you, Y/n... You drive me crazy. I don't want to make your life difficult, I don't want you to suffer working here. I don't want the decision you made to work here with me to be the worst thing in your life. I am very sorry. Really. I wish I could say that I won't make those jealousy scenes anymore, but I can't. Because that would be a lie. I can try, but I can't promise that I'll get better. But I will try."

"Okay. Do your best."

We were both silent and looked out the window.

"Y/n... I love you." I heard those words leave Jimin's mouth in an insanely quiet voice.

I was breathless.

"What did you say?" I turned to him. I still couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"You heard exactly what I said. I can tell from your reaction." He smiled. "I mean it, Y/n. I fucking love you." His eyes were full of love, love for me. I finally understood that look in his eyes.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say to him.

"And I hate myself for feeling like that because I know you'll never feel the same for me. Every time I look at you I just want to fucking kiss you. I just want you to be mine."

The ground seems to be slipping away from under my feet. I didn't know what to say, what to think.

"Jimin... I... You..." I couldn't say anything clever.

"You don't have to say anything back. I said it because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Because it seemed to eat me alive. So I had to say it. But you don't have to say something back out of pity or lie to me. I know that you will never forgive me and you will never feel warm feelings, let alone love. I am sorry for loving you." Tears welled up in Jimin's eyes and he stood up and ran out of the bedroom.