I hate you but... I love you| Jimin

33

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"I want to believe in you. I want to believe that everything can be okay. But... It's so hard for me..." I looked into his eyes where I saw so much love and hope. "Our relationship was so toxic from the beginning to the end. I don't know if it can be any different. Can our relationship be less toxic? Can we build a strong relationship based on love, trust, and respect?"

"Of course, we can. Y/n, just give us another chance."

I looked into his eyes and wanted to believe him. I wanted to give him another chance.

But he had been given so many chances in the past.

Could this one more chance be different?

Won't I be hurt again?
——

"I don't know. I need time. I can't make up my mind right away and fully immerse myself in our relationship again. I'm scared. I'm scared, Jimin. I need time to trust you again. So that I can stop feeling panic and anxiety and stress again. We should learn to walk before we try to run. It doesn't matter that we were already in a relationship, but it wasn't right. If I decide to get back into a relationship with you, it would start slowly and we would take our time. You have to understand that. You need to understand how I feel and what fears are tied up inside me."

"I accept all your conditions. We can move at your pace. I just need you in my life. No matter how. I need you." Jimin gently stroked my face.

"And now I should go home. I'll call a taxi and go." I said, freeing myself from his embrace, and climbing out of bed.

"I'll take you." Jimin suddenly jumped out of bed and went to the closet.

[...]

We sat in the car. Although it was quiet in the car, this time the silence was cozy again. Just like before.

"Do you want to come back to work with me, as my personal manager? Or at least as part of the tour management? I and all the guys miss you terribly in our daily routine." Jimin turned to me for a second.

"Jimin, I told you to take it easy. And what are you doing?" I giggled.

"Agh, fuck. Sorry, sorry." Jimin chuckled.

"Jimin, I have a request." I said in a serious tone of voice.

"Anything for you."

"Don't take any more sedatives and don't drink so much alcohol. It's crazy bad, not to mention how I felt. Please don't ever do that again." My voice was even trembling a little. I didn't want to lose him or for him to become addicted to drugs.

"Baby..." Jimin suddenly stopped on the side of the road. He unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me onto his lap. "I'm sorry for scaring you like that. I promise I won't do it again. I know exactly how these things can end. I am so sorry, darling." He held my face in his hands.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. "You have no idea how scared I was. How panic had gripped my whole body. Just the thought of losing you. Please don't do that again. Never again." A small sob left my mouth.

And without waiting, I buried my face in his embrace. Jimin's arms held me tightly.

I don't know how long we stayed like that on the side of the road. I was in his arms, he was stroking my back.

"How I miss this. Just being in your arms. It's so soothing. Your body, your touch, your smell. Everything about you. That's what I've missed all this time apart." I mumbled into Jimins chest.

"I miss you even more. You're an obligatory part of my life. And without you, my life is just not complete. You're my addiction. And I know I'll never recover from it. I will never be able to live without you." Jimin just hugged me tighter.

'Can we stay like this forever?' I asked quietly.

"I'll always be in your life, for as long as you want me to." Jimin kissed my hair. "Mmm... Even your hair smells divine." Jimin moaned
"We should get going. We've been here too long." I lifted my face from Jimin's chest and gazed into Jimin's angelic face, whose eyes looked at me with so much love and warmth.