-where art takes us-

beans

When I sat down at the dining table, I finally got my room ready as far as possible. Grandma was still busy complaining about the TV commercials in Romansh. So mom and I had some time for ourselves and used it efficiently by not talking for the first five minutes until I asked her whether she still wanted to talk about it since she acted till now as if nothing happened.

 "Sorry I am just not sure what to tell you. I only want what is the best for you and I should have stood up for you. I am not as tough as you. I see that every day, see how much you got from your grandma. Sometimes a little too much but at least you know what you want and can communicate it. The only thing I do is commit to what I love doing but also abandon the people I love by pushing them on the sideline. I can't put your life on pause, I noticed that and will do better. Please help me with that... your dad is gone and he always brought me back to reality when I got too deep into work." she almost begs me with her puppy eyes. I nod and tell her "I know dads death is still weighing on you and creating art is your way of coping but don't lose yourself in it.".

Grandma steps into the kitchen and comments on our faces „what drama are you two play? When's dinner ready?". Sometimes I just love granny for lifting the mood with her dry character. "Not sure granny." I answered smiling. She looks satisfied and sits down next to me on the unoccupied seat.

While setting the table and putting the apple persimmon salad in the middle of the table so that everyone can have it at any time around it, she drapes side dishes like roasted okra, braised potatoes, and spicy sriracha green beans and places a bowl of rice in front of each of us. "So tell me hun, how was your day aside from being a Meany to the principal? Made some friends? Did you get a chance to catch up on your lessons?" interrogates my mom awhile putting more and more beans on her bowl of rice.

I sigh and stare at her rice and Jenga tower of beans through answering her questions. "Don't ask too few questions, please... I think otherwise you're under-demanding me. I had a great day at school, especially the time when I kicked ass.".

My mother rolls her eyes and was about to lecture me when Grandma Sofia rejoices in my outbreak of violence and gives me a high five only to break down laughing. "Grandma! Don't encourage her. What the fuck Bora...I am disa-" I interrupt her mid-sentence.

"Chill, it was self-defense class, I didn't get in trouble and you won't hear of anyone's lawyer if you are worried about that. At least I think so," I tell her. Her worried expression forms into a small smile she tries to hide but it could not escape my gaze.

"Akna what is that? You want to hoard beans? There is good other food on table. Take, take..." Sofia attempts to put some braised potatoes on my mom's bean tower. " Ahh hahaha no granny I'm good, I think I finish my beans before taking more of the other things but thank you." I know exactly that mom doesn't like potatoes, she only makes them for Grandma Sofia. However, the pile of beans on her bowl is not due to her love for them, but to her goldfish brain and ADD characteristics. We all started laughing as a consequence of just the whole situation and those damn beans.

Later that evening, I lean against the wall on the window side and stretch my feet against the opposite side of the window, cradling the frame and the pillows with me. From here I can watch the sun saying its last goodbyes and stare out into the distance. I grab one of my unread books from the stack next to my bed. Two stacks to be exact, one of which serves as a bedside table while the other is all those books I have yet to read. I flip through the pages and find the dried flower that serves as a bookmark and start at the all too familiar place and sink into a world created by my imagination. I can't remember when I slipped into sleep but eventually did. Probably at midnight or something.